


knock knock, look who's come to visit

by nevercatchfeelings_youwilldie



Series: Bucky's bladder problems Or How Bucky and Steve discover a new side of themselves [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Accidents, Age Play, Awkward Boners, Bed-Wetting, Blushing Steve Rogers, Body Horror, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy Kink, Diapers, Domestic, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Finding Nemo (2003) References, Fluff, Headspace, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, Intimacy, Kink Negotiation, Loss of Trust, M/M, Making Up, Mention of Panic Attacks, Mild Sexual Content, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, Nursing, Nursing Kink, Pacifiers, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Sexual Tension, The Talk, Wet Dream, Wetting, beware of the internet kids, daddy!Bucky, diaper changes, don't worry they'll be fine again, excessive usage of the word 'cummies' in chapter 5 i'm sorry, honesty hour, in chapter 6, little!steve, oh-oh, or rather... explanation, pee desperation, some buckynat bonding over how adorable steve is, surprise visitor, trigger warning pizza hawaii, very brief - Freeform, what happened here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-03-04 22:18:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13374207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevercatchfeelings_youwilldie/pseuds/nevercatchfeelings_youwilldie
Summary: What started out as a normal, peaceful morning for little Stevie got suddenly interrupted when someone unexpected knocked on the door, seeking shelter in his and Daddy's home.Oh-oh.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> This really took me a lot longer than I'm proud to admit and, shame on me, i didn't finish the fic. When I developed the idea in my head, I actually wanted the story to be a lot shorter, but then I kept adding things here and there, and whoops, suddenly I had already written 10k words and not even half of the story was told yet.  
> But, because I didn't want to keep you 10 loyal readers waiting and because I didn't want to break my weekend-rhythm either, I decided to simply cut the story into several chapters, even though i'm not the biggest fan of doing that, and post the first chapter now.  
> I can only recommend you to maybe subsribe to this story if you want to get notified as soon as I post the next chapter, which will probably (hopefully) happen until the next weekend!  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I've got to offer so far :)
> 
> (as always, the original characters and plot that inspired me are not my own, and I don't get paid to write this)

The cry of a bird outside let Bucky look up from drying off the dishes in front of the kitchen sink. It just wasn’t worth the trouble to wait for the dishwasher to get full when only two plates, one knife, one fork and two spoons had been used. If there’s one thing Bucky hated, it was the knowledge that there were dirty dishes with rotting food on them waiting in the dishwasher, and the foul smell that came with it whenever you opened the lid to put in another two plates, one fork, one knife and two spoons.

Outside, the sun was shining, yet Bucky knew it was only just an illusion of warmth, since he could see the still barely cruised streets glistening with morning ice where the sun rays hit the road. It was only January, after all, and Bucky was glad that he was warm and comfortable at home instead of spending the nights outside in the cold, as he had to the first few months after he escaped Hydra.

For a second, Bucky’s mind went back to the time, went back to being hungry and lost, not knowing who he was and what ‘wanting’ something really felt like. His shoulder had hurt the first few weeks, but it got better eventually. Stealing food out of super markets and smaller shops didn’t prove itself to be hard for the Soldier, but it sure wasn’t easy on Bucky’s conscience. Even with Hydra, he had never felt so alone, so without a place in this world.

But those were unhappy memories, and Bucky forbid himself to replay them in his head any longer.

Sighing internally, he drew his eyes away from the window, and back to the plate in his hand.

With swift movements, he dried it up fully, and then continued putting the clean dishes into their respective spots in the cupboards.

After the kitchen was tidied up, Bucky went to the living room, trying to keep his steps as silent as possible since he didn’t want to disturb his baby boy, which was still laying where he left him after breakfast, in his playpen with some of his plushies around him, his pacifier in his mouth, and dressed in his soft, green onesie.

He was now resting on his stomach, with his favourite picture book in front of him, studying the pages with big and attentive eyes while his lips moved relentlessly around his binky.

When Bucky got into his field of view, he looked up at him for a moment and smiled happily at his Daddy.

Bucky smiled back, and kept watching Stevie for a few seconds longer after his boy had resumed ‘reading’, worrying the edge of one page between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand, rhythmically yet without damaging it.

Then, Bucky grabbed his own book he had left on the living room table last night and sat down on the couch, careful to place himself in an angle in which Stevie would always see him, in case he needed to reassure himself that Daddy was still there.

Then and now, Stevie made a mumbling sound, muffled by the pacifier, as if he was telling a story to himself based off the pictures in his book.

It was adorable, and after a few minutes, Bucky let go of his book again and instead just watched Stevie playing, even though from this distance he couldn’t make out what his baby was saying.

Bucky was just about to get up and join his boy inside the playpen, when he heard three soft knocks on the front door.

Stevie didn’t seem to pay attention to it, as he was too engrossed in his play, but Bucky looked up with a frown.

They didn’t expect any visitors.

With wary steps, he slowly made his way to the door. For a second, he though about grabbing a knife from the kitchen just in case, but then he remembered that if someone was to attack them, they most likely wouldn’t knock, and if it was only a neighbour asking for some milk or eggs, he really wouldn’t want to scare them off.

Looking through the peephole in the door, his breath hitched at the sight of the person that had knocked; there was Natasha, with a stream of blood running down the side of her face, and her clothes were caked in dirt and other liquids Bucky didn’t really wanted to find out what they were.

Quickly, he unlocked the door and opened it, and was greeted by an apologetic smile from his friend. “Hi, James.”, she said in a quiet, calm voice, even though there was a hint of worry in her eyes.

Out of habit, he took a quick look around the stairwell before gently grabbing Nat’s arm, pulling her inside and locking the door after her again.

Only then did he properly look at her and asked “What the hell happened to you?”.

Nat gave him a smile that was a mixture of shy and uncomfortable with a hint of humour in it. “I was on a mission not too far from here, and, well, it didn’t quite go as planned. Don’t worry”, she quickly added when she saw Bucky’s eyebrows rising at her words, an almost anxious look on his face. “I made sure no one followed me. But I also couldn’t return to my safehouse because I think they know where it is, and I didn’t know where else I could go. I’m really sorry.”

Bucky sighed, and reached out with his right hand both to softly pull her hair away from where it was clinging to her wound, and also to take a closer look at the source of the bleeding.

“You don’t have to apologize, I’d rather have you here anytime than to have you running around without shelter.”, he said, before looking over his shoulder into the direction of the living room. Then, he turned towards her again. “There’s a first aid kit and all kinds of medication in the bathroom, feel free to help yourself until I can come and join you, I want to take a look at that head wound, yeah? I just, um, I have to talk to Steve for a minute, okay?”

Natasha smiled in the way she usually did when she wanted you to know that she already knew what was going on even though you gave her little to no information. “Take you time, James. And… thank you.”, she said, her smile turning genuine before she made her way to the bathroom, apparently not having any orientation problems in the flat she had never stepped into.

Sometimes this woman and her knowledge really made Bucky wonder. It also made things easier for him, in a way. Since Nat always seemed to know everything, sometimes even before he knew it himself or so it seemed, he didn’t have to explain much to her, and that was good. He trusted her, he confined in her, but he couldn’t help himself from feeling at least a bit uncomfortable around anyone but Steve, especially when he was the one that had to give directions. So, even though it was creepy at times, it didn’t rub him the wrong way. Quite the opposite, actually.

The door to the living room had been closed, and they have talked quietly, so Bucky wasn’t very surprised when Stevie looked at him with big, curious eyes as he entered.

“Was it the mailman?”, he asked, words a bit slurred thanks to the pacifier.

Bucky chuckled and moved over to the playpen so he could sit down next to his baby, which was still laying on his tummy, eyes glued to Bucky’s moving form.

Gently, he let his hand run down Stevie’s spine before patting his diapered butt, ultimately letting his palm rest on the backside of his upper thigh.

He didn’t really know how to approach it, unsure how to sell it best in order not to cause Stevie to panic, since he knew that barely anything stressed Stevie out as much as the thought of anyone seeing him this way. He was glad that Natasha was the way she was, and that he could be sure that even if her business was already done, she would wait in the bathroom until he joined her.

“Listen, honey”, Bucky began, and squeezed Stevie’s thigh softly. “I don’t want you to panic now, but we are having a visitor.”

Stevie’s eyes widened at that, and Bucky could feel his muscles tensing underneath his palm. He felt so bad for doing this to him, but what was he supposed to do? Tell Nat to go somewhere else, or let her patch herself up before sending her away again? That was clearly not an option, and he knew that Steve wouldn’t have wanted that either.

“You don’t have to be scared, baby, it’s only Natasha. You remember her, right?”, Bucky asked, and Stevie nodded like the good boy that he was, even though Bucky knew that the fear he must have been feeling in that moment was nearly paralyzing him. “See, I didn’t know that she would come around, but something went wrong at work, and she had to go somewhere private, you know? Where no one can find her. I let her in, because she needs our help, and she’s our friend, right?”

Again, Stevie nodded, worrying the pacifier in his mouth hectically. In an attempt to calm him down a bit, Bucky stroked his thigh with slow motions before giving that up and moved around until he was laying next to him on his side. He let his head sink down onto the playpen, so that now Stevie was looking down at him instead.

“And because she is our friend, I couldn’t send her away again. You understand that, baby boy, don’t you?”

“Yes.”, Stevie whispered, his eyes still widened in fear.

“Of course you do, because you’re Daddy smart, little boy.”, Bucky said with a smile and reached out to let his fingertips run over Stevie’s side. “Nat is in the bathroom right now, but she can’t stay there forever. But I can imagine that you wouldn’t want her to see you like this, right?”

Forcefully, Stevie shook his head from side to side, and with a sting in his heart Bucky saw tears filling his baby’s eyes.

Quickly, he sat up again and grabbed Stevie’s arm to gently help him up as well, until they were both sitting next to each other. Then, Bucky put an arm around his baby’s shoulder and pulled him close, caressing his hair with careful fingers.

“It’s okay, baby boy, she won’t get to see you like this if you don’t want her to. Look, if you’re okay with that, I can change you into your adult clothes, and we tidy up all the stuff here, alright? And if that would make you more comfortable, Daddy can stay with you in our bedroom all day, and we can play games there and have some nice cuddle sessions and Nat can stay in the living room. Would you like that?”

Stevie looked at him with unhappy eyes for a moment, before he let his eyes wander down to the floor of the playpen and shrugged. “I don’t wanna stay in the bedroom all day.”, he mumbled.

“We don’t have to stay there, sweetheart. We can also sit on the couch with Nat and watch a movie or two. I promise you that whatever happens, she won’t make fun or think any less of you. And if she does, I will show her where the door is. Do you want to try it?”

Steve eventually nodded, although Bucky was sure that he only did so because he wanted to be a good boy for his Daddy, not because he was convinced that this was a good idea. Bucky also knew, though, that it was the best solution at the moment, even though it was still shitty to say the least.

After cuddling his boy for another minute or two, Bucky eventually leaned back a bit so he could kiss his temple. Stevie’s skin was burning hot where his lips touched it.

“Do you wanna go to the bedroom now, so Daddy can change you?”, Bucky asked in a quiet voice, and Stevie gave a soft nod in return. 

“Daddy?”, Steve asked almost inaudibly when Bucky led him behind himself to the bedroom by his hand.

“Yes, love?”

“Do you want me to be big today?”

With an unhappy sigh, Bucky turned around and looked at him where he was standing in the doorway.

“Daddy wants you to be who _you_ want to be. Why, would you like to try and be big?”, he asked, not quite able to stop the frown that was forming on his face because he couldn’t quite saw just how possible that was.

Stevie shrugged. “I want to try.”, he murmured and god, he was looking so lost and overwhelmed, Bucky really had to fight with himself for a second to stop himself from going to the bathroom to tell Nat that she had to leave. He really couldn’t do that, though. Like he had said, Natasha was their friend, and she would take them in any time. Also, he really didn’t _want_ her to leave, not while she was in such a condition.

“That’s very brave of you, baby boy. Are you sure about that? You know that you can stay little if you want to, Daddy will always take care of you.”

Steve looked down to where his hand was still holding his Daddy’s. “I don’t want ‘Tasha to see me little.”, he said, before he started to walk again, now leading Bucky, and sat down on the bed, waiting in resignation for Bucky to change him into adult clothes again.

“I’m really sorry about all of this.”, Bucky said as he leaned down to kiss Stevie’s forehead.

With a joyless smile, Stevie looked up at him. His eyes were still, or again, wet with unshed tears. “It’s okay, Daddy. She’s our friend.”, he said, and tried to blink the tears away.

Softly, Bucky let his hand run down the side of Stevie’s face before he turned towards the closet to grab a shirt, socks, and pants.

“Sweatpants or jeans, baby?”, he asked over his shoulder.

“Easier in jeans.”, Stevie eventually answered in a quiet voice.

Back at the bed, Bucky carefully undressed his boy, helping him pull his arms and legs out of the onesie. Underneath that, Stevie was naked beside of the diaper he was wearing.

His whole body tensed when Bucky looked at him, and Bucky knew that the same thought had run through both their minds at the same time.

He would have loved to offer Stevie to just go without a diaper, to spare him from even more embarrassment when he would have to sit in the same room as Nat, padded like an actual toddler. But Bucky also knew that even though Stevie would try to act adult, he would still be somewhat little, and when Stevie was little, he lost most of his control over his bladder, especially when he’s stressed or distracted and with Nat next to him, he would most likely be both.

From the tears that were swimming in Stevie’s eyes as he looked up at him with a desperate, almost pleading expression, Bucky could tell that he was having the same thought.

He felt so bad for his little boy.

“She won’t know.”, Bucky tried to comfort him, and had to watch as Stevie wrinkled his forehead before the first tear started to run down his eyes, escaping him even though he was blinking hastily in an attempt to stop crying.

Before Bucky had the chance to reach out and wipe it away, or to comfort his boy in any other way, Stevie had already brought up one fist, and angrily rubbed the wetness off his face.

Bucky watched him as he clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, while at the same time he looked up at the ceiling and kept blinking, until the immediate urge to cry was somewhat decreased.

He would have loved to wrap Stevie up in his arms right now, and cuddle him for hours until every last worry and reason to cry was gone from his mind, but he knew from his own experience that if he hugged his boy now, he would most likely completely lose it, and he sensed that this was probably the last thing Stevie wanted at the moment.

With a heavy heart, he instead stroked his thumb over Stevie’s knee, until the other eventually looked at him again.

Steve’s eyes were a bit redder outside than usual, and his voice sounded strained when he let the pacifier fall into the mattress next to his head and spoke again. “Can we at least use a nappy instead?”, he asked, and Bucky could hear the supressed tears in his voice.

God, it hurt.

Quickly, Bucky nodded and tried to give his boy a reassuring, confident smile.

“Sure, baby, that’s a good idea. They will be practically invisible under your jeans, and you just gotta tell Daddy when you have to potty.”, Bucky said, even though a slight doubt flickered in the back of hit head. He wasn’t sure just how much he could trust Stevie with his ability to tell him if he needed to go, but he also didn’t have it in him to take this compromise from the other man, either. Bucky just had to be content with this.

“Da-Bucky”, Stevie began in a small voice, pinching his eyes shut for a second as a pained look washed over his face. “We gotta stop talking like that if we want it to work.”

Bucky knew that Stevie, no, Steve now, was being reasonable right now, but that didn’t stop his heart from giving another aching throb. He knew how much Stevie loved it when he talked to him like that, but if Steve needed him to stop, he would do it, of course.

Pressing his lips together tightly, Bucky nodded in agreement. He gave Steve a quick smile before going into their own bathroom to take out a nappy, wipes, and powder.

Even though Steve had just asked him not to talk to him like one talked to a baby anymore, he willingly spread his legs and lifted his hips so that Bucky could change him after he asked him if he had to use the toilet now, and Steve declined.

The diaper he was wearing was a bit damp, telling Bucky that Stevie must have had a little accident earlier.

Carefully and with skilled hands, Bucky quickly changed his boy into the pull-up, before helping him into the jeans, a shirt and a sweat jacket.

Accompanied by Steve’s blushing, Bucky let the pacifier disappear into the right front pocket of Steve’s pants. “Just to be sure.”, he had added with a teasing wink, and for the crack of a second, something like a smile had formed on Steve’s face, before he turned stern again.

Once they were all set, Bucky leaned down and helped Steve sit up, before getting down next to him.

Gently, he let his left hand’s fingers glide under Steve’s chin, to make him turn his head to look Bucky in the eyes.

“Listen, sweetheart, I know that today will be very hard for you, and I am so proud at you for trying to go out there and be around Natasha. I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to do that if I was in your position, to be completely honest. And I believe that you can do this, I absolutely do. But darling, if you notice that if it gets too much for you, or if you need anything at all, you have to tell me, okay? We can always take a break in another room, or send Nat into a different room for some time, yeah? I know that you will be uncomfortable with asking me for things, but even though you’re going to try and be big today, it’s okay if you find that you can’t stay big, and then Daddy will be there to take care of you. Potty breaks, hunger, boredom, it doesn’t matter. But you have to tell Daddy if you need anything, okay?”, Bucky asked, waiting for Steve to nod before he continued. “I know that you’re scared, and so am I, but I won’t leave you alone unless you want me to. And I promise, no, I swear to you, whatever happens, Natasha will not laugh at you or think bad stuff. You know that she isn’t like that. Now tell me, baby boy, what’s the word you have to use if it gets too much?”

Steve gulped and looked at Bucky with big eyes. “B-butterfly.”, he eventually said, voice barely louder than a whisper.

Bucky smiled warmly at him in return, reaching out with one hand to gently cup his face and stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. “That’s right, smart boy, ‘butterfly’ is the word for emergencies. So, if you want to get out of something today, but you’re not comfortable with leaving on your own, you make up a sentence with a butterfly, or you just say the word or draw a butterfly on a piece of paper if you don’t feel like talking, and Daddy will take care of whatever it is. Alright?”

Again, Steve nodded, and maybe Bucky had just imagined it, but he could have sworn that a bit of the fear from earlier had vanished from Steve’s eyes, and that he was looking calmer now, after Bucky had reassured him of his presence and his support. But it might have been only wishful thinking.

“I’m gonna go and get the living room ready, and then I will look after Natasha.”, Bucky announced after placing another kiss on Steve’s forehead. “Do you want to help me with the cleaning up?”, he asked, and Steve nodded quickly, letting Bucky take him by the hand and lead him back to the living room.

Once they were done there, Steve slowly walked over to the couch, where he sat down and immediately drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

Bucky sighed. “I’m gonna go to Nat now, and when we’re done, I’ll bring her here with me. It that okay with you?”, he asked.

Steve nodded, and tried his best to give him an assuring smile. It looked more insecure than anything else, but Bucky knew just how much effort this all was for his boy.

He went over to Steve and kissed his lips, softly, and Steve kissed him back after a second.

“I promise, everything will be fine.”

Again, Steve smiled, and maybe it appeared a bit more calmer than before. “I believe you.”, he said, before reaching out for the remote and turned on the TV. It was still set on the children’s channel from yesterday evening, and for a second Bucky caught Steve’s eyes gazing longingly at the colourful show that was currently playing, before he gently shook his head as if he was telling himself ‘no’, and changed the channel to something more mature.

The excitement left Steve’s eyes, and he leaned his chin onto his knees, staring at the TV almost blankly. 

With a conflicted conscience and his heart aching in his chest, Bucky left the living room and went over to the bathroom.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“You know the rules, right?”, Bucky asked while he put a sticking plaster over the now cleaned, inspected and found as harmless wound on Natasha’s forehead.

She nodded in return, trying not to disturb Bucky.

“Repeat them.”, Bucky said, in a stern voice, and from the look in his stressed and worried eyes, Nat knew that she wouldn’t get out of this, even if she had tried.

“No laughing, no touching before asking, no letting him know if I saw something he tried to do discreetly and no talking about him when we’re in a different room.”, she said, looking back at Bucky.

He seemed to search something in her eyes for a moment, before he eventually breathed out and relaxed a bit. Where there had been a wary look, now a rather apologetic one spread on his face.

“I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh, it’s just-“

“James.”, Nat interrupted him and gently put her hand over his, which was resting on the edge of the bathtub next to where she was sitting, with Bucky kneeling in front of her. She smiled down at him, softly. “It’s okay. I know.”

For a second longer they held each other’s gaze, before Bucky pressed his lips together and nodded.

He got up and offered Nat a hand to help her up, too, grinning a bit at the sight of her in Steve’s way too big sweater and Steve’s way too long sweatpants which they had to roll up in order to not risk accidently hurting her even more than she already was.

At first, Bucky had wanted to give her some of his own clothes, but then he thought that Steve has already had a rough enough day ahead of him as it was and he didn’t want to make it any worse by having him look at someone else dressed in his Daddy’s clothes while he was not. There was a relatively big chance that Steve might have not even been bothered by it, but Bucky didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks, not when the situation was as challenging for his boy as it already was.

So now, Nat looked like a dwarf in a giant’s clothes, but she was patched up and warm and comfortable, so she couldn’t really complain. After all, she hadn’t expected them to have some women’s clothes in her size lying around, anyway.

Gratefully, Nat took Bucky’s hand and let him pull her to her feet, a slight dizziness coming over her for a moment as soon as she was upright.

She closed her eyes for a second until the feeling passed, and found Bucky looking at her worryingly when she opened them again.

“I’m fine.”, she reassured him with a smile, and even though he regarded her with more than just a bit scepticism in his eyes, he eventually nodded and let go of her hand, before turning around and leading the way out of the bathroom.

Nat followed her friend through the floor, until they reached the door to the living room.

With one hand on the handle, Bucky turned around at her again, and she nodded, stern and serious, because she knew he needed that, needed to know that he could trust her with the most precious thing in his life.

Carefully, Bucky opened the door and slowly entered the living room.

With hesitant steps, Nat followed him, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed by the idea of her friend being in a, to her, completely new and unknown condition with which she didn’t know how to deal, really.

A bit of the built-up tension left her shoulders when she finally made it around the corner and saw that Steve was sitting on the couch, his knees drawn up to his chest, and although he looked a bit scared, a smile had started to spread on his face as soon as he spotted her.

Relieved that Steve apparently wasn’t all that unhappy to see her, Natasha smiled back brightly and lifted her hand in a greeting.

“Hi, Steve.”, she said, voice gentle and calm.

“Hello, ‘Tasha.”, the man answered, and Nat could hear Bucky exhaling deeply next to her.

She knew that it was better to wait for Steve to approach her if he felt ready for it, but Natasha also wasn’t sure how to further act now, and she was more than happy when she heard Bucky clear his throat quietly before turning towards her with a friendly smile.

“Would you like something to drink or eat?”

“Oh, yes, a water would be nice.”, she answered, and Bucky nodded.

His eyes went back to Steve, and Nat could pretty much watch his eyes turning soft as a tiny smile spread on his face, one that looked completely different from the one he had just given Natasha, one that was filled to the brink with affection and warmth.

Bucky nodded, once, and Steve nodded in return, almost unnoticeably.

Then, Bucky began walking towards the kitchen and invited Nat with a jerk of his head to follow him.

“You can sit down if you want to.”, Bucky said while he opened up one cupboard and got out one of their glasses.

Still feeling rather worn out, Nat was happy to follow the suggestion and carefully sat down at the big, wooden table. She couldn’t help a wince escaping her as her body bent, the pain in her ribs pounding uncomfortably from her inside.

“You can have another pill, you know?”, Bucky remarked as he put the filled glass down in front of her, but Nat shook her head with a smile. She had already taken two, and she needed all her senses with her today.

Bucky let his eyes wander over to the living room for a second, before turning his attention back to her.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened to you? Looks like whoever was up against you meant serious business.”

At that, Nat snorted, and took a sip of water.

“Not really much to tell, really. My intel assured me that the factory hall was empty, however, it was not, and the guy seemed to be really experienced, or prepared, or both. Anyway, we fought, and I was clearly winning, but then out of nowhere his… _friends_ had started to join in, all equipped with guns and knives, and I know when it’s better to fight and when it’s better to flee. Guess I just wasn’t fast enough…”, she finished, her voice getting quieter towards the end, and Bucky could hear the self-loath about her failure in her tone, even though she was trying to cover it up by smirking as if she found this was funny.

“Hey,”, he said, gently, and sat down in front of her. “None of us is infallible.”

Nat shrugged, and a look of shame got through her mask of casualty. “I used to be.”

Bucky was just about to start arguing with her, when he looked over her shoulder and closed his mouth again, his lips curling into a warm smile instead.

Nat turned her head, too, even though the movement made her neck ache, and saw Steve standing in the doorframe.

He appeared calm at first, but being the person that she was, Nat immediately noticed how his fingers fiddled nervously with something small in his jeans’ pocket, while the other hand rose up to scratch the back of his neck.

“M-mind if I join you?”, he asked, his voice trembling a bit and quieter than usual.

“Not at all.”, Nat answered, and gave him one of her rare, real smiles.

Looking down to the ground, Steve slowly made his way around the table to where Bucky was already pulling out the chair next to him for Steve to sit down.

As quiet as possible, he did, his cheeks a light pink and his eyes glued to the table in order to avoid looking at Nat.

He was very clearly embarrassed, and Nat felt terrible about being the reason for it, but she would’ve lied if she said that it wasn’t also cute, in a very strange, unusual way. She had always had a soft spot for this man, right from the beginning on, and the urge to protect him grew with every second he was in the room.

She wasn’t sure if Bucky was trying to be discreet when he reached out with one hand underneath the table to put it onto Steve’s thigh, squeezing gently, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Nat, and she couldn’t help but smile a bit to herself at this very sweet display of affection.

“Anyway, I guess I can put another name on the list of people I can’t trust.”, Natasha continued in an attempt to break the silence as she assumed that Steve would be happy if he wasn’t the centre of the attention anymore. Her voice sounded bitter, she heard that herself, and internally slapped herself for letting her feelings show.

It was really difficult, she found, to let down her guard even when she was with friends.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, this was not your fault.”, Bucky said. “Also, you made it out mainly alright, and you’re safe now.”

At that, Steve lifted his head and looked at her with big, kind of wary, kind of curious eyes and nodded as if to emphasize what Bucky just said.

For a second, Bucky turned his head to watch Steve and gave him a little, kind smile, making the other man blush lightly, before turning his attention back to Nat.

“Thank you, both.”, Nat said in return, gaze wandering from on to the other for a moment, before she raised one arm onto the table and put her chin into her palm. “But, enough of me. What has been going on in your life lately? Anything righteous and noble you’ve been up to?”, she asked with a teasing grin, whereupon Bucky rolled his eyes and Steve scoffed.

“Nothing beside the occasional helping-an-old-lady-over-the-street.”, Bucky said. “We’re just living our best, most eventless life.”

“Sounds peaceful.”, Nat answered, and for second Bucky’s face turned thoughtful.

“It is.”, Steve said before Bucky could answer, almost inaudibly and very, very shaky. A wave of nervousness seemed to go through him as soon as he closed his mouth again, apparently overwhelmed with his own courage to speak when all he really wanted to do was to hide away.

With a look of positive surprise, Bucky turned lightly to look at Steve before gently wrapping one arm around his waist, pulling him a bit closer before gently stroking his side with his thumb.

A look of gratitude washed over Steve’s face when he leaned against his boyfriend’s side.

“It’s nice to hear that.”, Natasha noted, feeling a bit of envy stinging in her chest. “I’m glad that you’re both doing so well.”

At that, Steve and Bucky exchanged a look that Nat wasn’t quite able to give a name to, yet the tenderness of it didn’t escape her notice.

Then, a sudden wave of sorrow went over Steve’s face as he seemed to just have remembered something important but unpleasant, and he quickly turned towards her and asked, in a much stronger voice than before; “What about Tony?”

For a moment, Nat didn’t know how to answer, since the subject was rather heavy and she didn’t know how much Steve could take in his condition, but a gentle nod from Bucky answered her unspoken question.

“Tony is… better, now. He’s still in the intensive care unit, but he has woken up from the coma, so that’s good. He’s awake and responsive, mostly, but he’s still linked to quite a few machines. It’s not sure to say yet, but from what I’ve heard, the doctors are not expecting any long term damage, especially not to his brain as neurological tests all went rather good.”

Steve nodded, and a bit of the tension left his body. Yet, he also moved to press himself further up against Bucky’s side, who tightened the grip he had around the other’s body.

“I wished I could tell you more, but that’s all Rhodey would tell me. I’m sorry.”, Natasha said, whereupon Bucky shook his head.

“This has already been a great help. We were really worried”, he said with a look at Steve, who nodded again, “but it’s great to hear that he is getting better.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything new.”, Nat said, and Steve smiled at her gratefully.

For a moment, they sat in silence, and Nat lifted the glass to her lips in order to keep at least one of her hands busy.

She felt like they were all tip toeing around, all of them cautious not to mention the elephant in the room, even though each one of them could see it, could basically hear it trumpet.

But Natasha also knew that were she was feeling maybe a bit unsure and uncomfortable, Steve must have felt that way so much more. And Natasha didn’t want him to, but she also didn’t know what she could do to help him. Maybe saying nothing and waiting for him to eventually open up more was best, after all.

For another minute or two, they sat around the table in silence, Natasha waiting, Steve looking down at his own hands, which were folded in his lap, while Bucky was frowning lightly.

Then, the latter softly patted Steve on the back, which made the other one look up at him curiously, only to be met with a warm, joyful smile. 

“How about we go to the living room and watch a movie, huh? I’m really in the mood for Finding Nemo. How does that sound?”, Bucky asked, voice cheerful and light, and Nat could see Steve’s eyes practically lighting up at the other’s suggestion.

Enthusiastically, he nodded, and Nat could have sworn that she saw how Bucky wanted to lean forward and kiss his face until he must’ve remembered that they weren’t alone, and turned towards her.

“Okay?”, he asked, still smiling although not quite as brightly anymore now that he wasn’t talking to Steve anymore, and Nat smiled back, knowing very well that Bucky wasn’t the one that was really in the mood for a kids’ movie.

“Very much so.”, she answered, a grin spreading on her face at the happy look that appeared on Steve’s as soon as she approved to the idea.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky turned on the Tv, and the three of them settled down on the, thankfully, rather big couch.

Natasha chose the far right side of it, so she could comfortable lean against both the side and the back rest with her legs folded up next to her, but also to give Steve, who decided to sit down on the far left side after he watched Nat chose her place, and Bucky, right next to him, some privacy.

She already felt enough like an intruder, even though she could tell that they were trying their best to make her feel welcomed and she logically knew, too, that they didn’t just barely tolerate her, but she tried to avoid making it worse. Also, her ribs hurt less in this position.

From where she was laying, Bucky blocked most of the view she would have had on Steve if she looked to the left, and she couldn’t help but smirk internally about the discreet, but very successful strategy her friend displayed right here.

Even when they were at home and at peace, he was still protecting the man he loved.

When the movie started, Natasha tried her best to keep her eyes on the screen, halfway actually watching the movie whenever her mind gave her a break from running through the events of the day again and again, trying to figure out how she could have failed so miserably.

Stevie, leaning against his Daddy’s side and grasping his hand tightly, didn’t notice Nat’s internal self-bashing.

He had more important matters on his mind, for example contemplating how terrible it was that out of all families the big fish could’ve attacked, why it had to be Nemo’s. Obviously, he wouldn’t have wished that kind of stuff on any other fish family, but still. It was unfair.

Stevie had watched the movie more than once before, but the part scared him every time, and he was glad that his Daddy was right next to him, squeezing his hand gently when he felt Stevie tense up a bit.

It was a good idea of his Daddy, Stevie thought, to watch a movie. At first he had asked himself why he didn’t suggest an adult movie, but now that they were watching Finding Nemo, he was more than happy about the fact that they didn’t.

He didn’t know if it might have made it easier for him to stay big, but thinking about it now, Stevie doubted that he had ever been big today. He had been pretending and trying his best at that, that’s for sure, but he had never really felt big.

Also, he didn’t really want to be big, even though Tasha was there. Being big was yucky.

Tasha had been nice and sweet to him, and he wasn’t that scared anymore. Only a little, mixed with a lot of embarrassment and wonder about what she might think about him now, but no real fear anymore.

The way Bucky was sitting, he was halfway turned towards Stevie, and Stevie took advantage of that by snuggling up further to him, knowing that Tasha would most likely notice, but unable to stop himself.

He always needed his Daddy as close as possible when they were watching movies, that’s just how it was, like an unbreakable rule, and not even a thousand Tashas could get Stevie to break an unbreakable rule.

Bucky was quick to oblige to his baby’s request for body contact, and placed his left arm around his shoulders, holding him close.

Stevie had wondered about whether Bucky knew that he wasn’t really big, or not, but the question got answered when Bucky leaned down to press a gentle kiss against his temple before whispering into his ear; “You’re doing so good, baby boy. Daddy is so proud of you.”

The words made Stevie blush immediately, but he was also happy to hear them. There was barely anything better than being praised by Daddy and Stevie always wanted to be his good, little boy.

Bucky chuckled silently at Stevie’s reaction, and Stevie could’ve sworn that he heard Tasha moving around behind his Daddy, where he couldn’t see her anymore, and for a second a sting of fear about being caught so deep in his little space ran through him, but then Daddy tightened his embrace around him, and blinked at him with assuring, warm eyes, mouthing “it’s okay”, and then it was okay.

He didn’t have to be scared, because Daddy was here.

Halfway through the movie, and Natasha heard some shuffling next to her. By now, Steve had practically climbed onto Bucky’s lap, and he looked like he would prefer nothing more than that, with the way one of his thighs was thrown over Bucky’s while his head was resting against the other’s chest, and maybe it was just imagination, but out of the corner of her eyes, Nat was sure she had seen Steve gently suckling on his finger’s knuckles quite a few times now, but only briefly, until he noticed what he was doing and quickly put his hand down again.

Every now and then, Bucky would kiss his forehead, or the side of his face, or the shell of his ear, and Nat could hear him talking to his boyfriend, but it was too quiet for her to understand what Bucky was saying.

Stevie moved around again, and Nat really had to put some effort into not turning her head to see what was going on. The perks of being a spy.

When Stevie squirmed again, Bucky tore his eyes off the Tv, and looked at his boy with a frown.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”, he asked silently, and after a second, Stevie nodded.

“Are you sure?”, Bucky asked again when he saw the hesitation in the other’s gaze.

Now, Stevie shrugged, looking up at him with big eyes. “Have to go potty a bit, Daddy.”, Stevie answered in a voice so quiet is was barely even audible to Bucky, who was sitting right next to him, the tip of his nose almost touching the top of Stevie’s head.

“Do you want me to go with you?”, Bucky asked, and quickly turned his head around when he heard movement from his other side, relaxing again when he saw that Nat had only changed her position a bit but was not looking at them but instead laughed silently at the way Dory tried to imitate a whale.

His attention went back to his boy though, when he felt him shaking his head against his chest.

“Can’t. Not with…”, and Bucky followed his eyes and he glanced over Bucky’s shoulder at Natasha for a second, before returning to his previous position. “She will know what we’re doing.”, he added, voice sounding fearful again.

Bucky winced internally because yes, Stevie was probably right. Still, they had to do something about it.

“Do you want to try and go alone?”, he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

He got affirmed as soon as Stevie looked at him almost accusingly, eyes widened in horror and mouth opened slightly as he shook his head again.

“I don’t want to be alone, Daddy.”, he said, voice louder now, and Bucky couldn’t help but tense a bit at that, assuming that Nat must’ve heard that.

A quick look over his shoulder told him that she was still looking at the Tv, but that meant little to nothing.

“Shh, it’s okay.”, he said as soon as he was turned towards Stevie again, gently increasing the pressure he had on his hand for a moment. “You don’t have to. But what are we going to do about that, now?”

Stevie shrugged. He didn’t know, either. All he knew was that he didn’t want to leave his Daddy’s side and he didn’t want Tasha to know that he had to go potty, and that it was getting a bit urgent by now.

“I can hold it.”, he eventually said, although it sounded more like a question than a statement.

For a moment longer, Bucky regarded him sceptically. Obviously, he couldn’t hold it that much longer, not while he was in headspace. But, maybe if he waited long enough, Stevie would eventually agree to going alone or with Bucky.

So, Bucky kissed the side of his head again and reminded him to tell Daddy if he changed his mind, and forced his eyes back to the screen, trying to give Stevie, who’s cheeks were of a bright pink by now, some privacy with his predictament.

Stevie tried to watch the movie, too, and for a few minutes it even worked.

But soon enough, the spasms in his pelvis were coming more frequently, and before he could really stop himself, his left hand had to shoot down and press between his legs in order to help him hold after an especially forceful twitch of his bladder.

Bucky, alarmed by his sudden movement, followed his hand’s way with his eyes which lingered there for a second, before he eventually looked up at him in an almost pitying way.

“Darling, I’ll go with you, I promise Nat won’t-“

But Steve shut him up by shaking his head quickly, lips pressed together tightly and eyes squeezed shut, looking like he was in pain as his hips gently rocked into his hand where he was holding himself through his nappy.

Bucky sighed. He wished he could do something for his boy, but he couldn’t force him to go to the bathroom, and he also couldn’t magically empty his bladder for him, either.

Had he been wearing a diaper, things might have been easier. But he wasn’t, and they had to make do with what they had.

“’m sorry, Daddy.”, Stevie whispered, and when Bucky looked at his face again his eyes were opened and he seemed terribly ashamed. He must’ve heard Bucky sighing, and he felt bad about it. He knew Stevie wasn’t doing this to annoy him, at all, and it was rather shitty of him to react as if he did.

“No, baby boy, I am. I know that this is very hard for you right now. I just wished I could do something to help you.”, Bucky whispered back, and kissed Stevie’s temple, who immediately leaned into the touch. “You know that you can’t hold it forever, baby, and Nat will still be here after the movie.”

Stevie nodded, and looked at Bucky with big, pleading eyes. “I know, Daddy, but I don’t like her knowing that I have to go potty.” His words got emphasized by another jerk of his hips, and Stevie was barely able to supress a hiss of discomfort.

“It’s the most natural thing to go pee-pee, baby, and Nat knows that. Do you think she never has to go potty?”

Stevie shrugged and looked down at his crotch so he didn’t have to look at his Daddy anymore. “I know, but… still.”

“Oh honey.”, Bucky eventually said and, after a moment of watching Stevie squirm around some more, continued watching the movie, feeling each and every jerk and twitch his boy made next to him, until eventually, Stevie drew in a sharp breath, and while he quickly turned his head to look at him, he could sense that Nat, too, has moved to see what was going on.

Stevie’s entire face was warped with pain, his eyes shut tightly, and when Bucky let his eyes wander further down, he saw that his baby held his crotch in an iron grip.

Bucky knew what had happened, and he felt so sorry for him.

Behind him, Nat shuffled around a bit, and a quick glance over his shoulder told Bucky that she was looking at the screen again, although there was a frown on her face, and she looked tense.

Then, Stevie exhaled shakily, and for a second longer he was stock still, until his hips started moving again, almost frantically now, and his hand rhythmically squeezed himself through the pants and the nappy.

“Daddy.”, he breathed out, his voice sounding stressed and desperate.

Bucky tightened the grip around his shoulder and moved his hand up so he was cupping Stevie’s face, making him look at his Daddy as soon as he opened his eyes.

“Daddy, I think I’m gonna have an accident.”, Stevie whimpered, and this time, Bucky was sure that Nat must’ve heard it, but he didn’t have it in him to care about that.

“Shh, it’s okay, Daddy’s got you.”, he tried to calm Stevie down, only to see him shaking again, gritting his teeth with the effort to hold his urine in. “Come on, we’ll try and go to the bathroom before it’s too late, yeah?”, Bucky asked, yet he didn’t even wait for Stevie to answer and say no, as he was already standing up and held out his hand for his boy to take while he was talking.

For a moment, Stevie’s eyes wandered over to Nat anxiously, who was already looking at him openly now, meeting her worried turning gaze when she noticed that there were tears in his eyes, before giving his Daddy one last pleading look, but Bucky was insistent, and leaned down instead to take hold of Stevie’s free hand, quickly helping him to his feet.

The pull of gravity had its effects on Stevie’s bladder, and he couldn’t help but groan as another spurt escaped him, further wetting the material between his legs.

He wanted to keep holding himself, but Nat was watching them, so he couldn’t. Instead, he had to wait for the liquid to stop coming out on his own, clenching every muscle that he had while Bucky was waiting for him to move and Nat started blushing before graciously moving her head forward again, giving the illusion that her attention was on the movie again.

As soon as Stevie felt enough in control to move, he followed Bucky out of the room with quick steps and his head bowed down, as if that would make him invisible for their visitor.

“We’ll be back in a minute.”, Bucky said, trying to sound friendly and relaxed and failing at least at the last one, before they exited the room and stepped into the floor, where Bucky quickly shut the door behind Stevie.

Now that he knew that Tasha couldn’t see him anymore, Stevie’s hand immediately shot back in between his legs, and he squeezed himself tightly as he couldn’t help but dance around on the spot, whimpering pitifully while doing so.

“Come on, baby, we’re almost there.”, Daddy said in a kind voice, and gently pulled Stevie along after him.

For a few steps, Stevie could follow, but then his bladder gave another cruel twitch, and before he could stop it, his legs gave out underneath him and he sank to the ground, hand buried in his crotch, rocking his hips forcefully while he clenched his thighs tightly together around it, his breath coming out harshly by now. In a desperate attempt to stop himself, he sat down on the heel of one foot, forcefully pushing it into his perineum, and wiggled around on it, wheezing at the sensation it caused, not able to tell if it was painful or pleasurable.

With one hand underneath his armpit, Bucky tried to pull him to his feet again. “It’s okay, honey, come on, you can do it.”

But Stevie shook his head frantically, wincing painfully as another squirt escaped him, even though he was squeezing his pee-pee so tightly it hurt, even through the nappy. “I can’t, Daddy, I can’t, I’m gonna have an accident, please, Daddy, I can’t-“, and he groaned again as another spurt followed, lasting over a second this time.

“Shh it’s okay, it’s okay, I got you. It’s okay if you have an accident, baby boy, but let’s try and get to the potty anyway, yeah?”, Bucky tried again and this time, Stevie let him help him up, although he didn’t manage to stand upright fully, his upper body bent forward, every muscle cramped up.

He was only able to take tiny steps, and he was glad that his Daddy was with him, because otherwise he already would have sat on the floor again.

As quickly as they could, they made their way into the bathroom.

Bucky immediately went down to his knees in front of Stevie and unfastened his belt with practiced fingers, but it was difficult to open his boy’s pants while he was still holding himself and his hips were twitching and squirming relentlessly.

Just as Bucky managed to open the button, Stevie stilled completely and moaned, and a second later, Bucky could hear a hissing sound coming from between the other’s legs, and helplessly watched for a moment as the white material of the nappy, still squeezed in Stevie’s palm, turned darker.

He knew that Stevie had lost the battle, and that it was too late to get him out of his clothes and the nappy, but it wasn’t too late to at least save the jeans from some major damage.

Quickly, Bucky pulled the fabric down to Stevie’s knees and pushed him backwards, making him fall onto the toilet with a loud thud, and Stevie looked at him with huge eyes, uncertain about what he was expected to do now, his hand still holding himself as he continued going potty into the nappy.

Gently, Bucky took hold of his wrist and guided it away, and the material of the nappy immediately expanded.

For another second, Stevie looked at his Daddy almost fearfully, but when he saw Bucky smiling at him softly, telling him that is was okay now, that everything was alright, his clenched up muscles relaxed, and then Stevie leaned back.

His thighs sprawled open a bit further, and he closed his eyes, and suddenly he was able to not only feel the relief that was washing over his body, but found that he actually enjoyed it.

He felt how his crotch kept getting warmer, how the nappy got fuller with every second and how it started to sag between his legs, and it felt good, it felt good to finally let all the pee-pee out, it felt good to fill his pull-up completely, still going even when he heard rivulets hitting the toilet water underneath him as the nappy started to leak.

It felt good that his Daddy was still kneeling next to him, gently stroking his knee as Stevie relieved himself, whispering words in a soft voice which Stevie heard but wasn’t able to process right now.

When Stevie was done, both his body and his mind felt exhausted, and he wanted nothing more but to cuddle up with his Daddy and take a nap.

The moment of relaxation didn’t last long, though, because soon after Stevie remembered that they weren’t alone in their home, and the embarrassment that had been replaced by pleasure as he had eventually relieved himself came back with a vengeance, making him tense and tear up within a second.

Bucky, watching his baby carefully, immediately noticed the change in his body and before the first sob was even escaping Stevie’s throat, his Daddy had already wrapped him up in a tight embrace, pulling him downwards a bit so he could wrap one arm around his waist while the other went up so he could stroke the back of Stevie’s neck.

Helplessly and so unbearably ashamed, Stevie let his head fall onto his Daddy’s shoulder as the tears started rolling down his cheeks, his breath hitching in his throat.

“Shh, baby, I know, I know, it’s okay, Daddy’s got you, everything is okay, you tried so hard, I know you did.”, Bucky murmured into the crook of his neck, and even though those words were meant to comfort him, it only made Stevie cry harder.

His Daddy continued petting his back as he sobbed pitifully, the rest of the tension leaving his body as he practically melted into Bucky’s embrace, holding onto his Daddy for dear life. His tears were soaking into the material of his shirt and Stevie pressed his mouth against it, too, trying to muffle the pained sounds coming out of him as he still sat around in his dripping nappy, the warmth and the noise of pee-pee hitting water a constant reminder of his failure to control himself.

“Hush, sweetheart, you don’t have to cry, there’s nothing to be sad or embarrassed about, everything is okay.”, Bucky tried again.

“B-but, ‘Tasha-“, Stevie tried to answer, but was interrupted by a forceful hiccup, before he started wailing again.

“Yeah, Natasha was there and maybe Natasha knows, but I promise that she isn’t making fun of you, my love. Nat is a good friend, she would never do that. It’s natural to have to go pee-pee, it is for everybody.”

“But I had an accident.”, Stevie whimpered, feeling so terrible about himself. The one time he had needed to control himself, and he couldn’t. 

“Shh, shh, please baby, try and calm down for me. Come on, let’s take a deep breath, alright? Breathe in with me baby, just like Daddy does. See? Just like that. Come on, let’s try again. There. Better, isn’t it?”, Bucky asked, and Stevie nodded into his shoulder.

He let his baby cry into the crook of his neck for a minute longer, until he slowly leaned back again and reached up with one hand, gently cupping Stevie’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb as his boy looked at him with big, wet eyes.

“Yes, baby boy, you had an accident.”, he began, and saw Stevie wincing at his words. “But only you and me know that, right? Nat wasn’t here with us, she didn’t see it, so she can’t know, isn’t that so?”

For a second, Stevie looked at him puzzled, but then a look of understanding went through his eyes, and he immediately looked a tiny bit less panicked.

“And there’s no reason why we should tell her about it, is it?”

This time, Steve shook his head.

Bucky smiled at him, gently and assuring. “See? And your jeans didn’t even get wet, so we only have to change you into different underwear, and that’s it. We’ll do that, and then we go out there again, and no one else has to ever find out about this, it will stay between you and Daddy. How does that sound, huh, baby boy?”

Stevie cleared his throat once, twice, before answering with a silent voice. “’t sounds good, Daddy.”

Bucky smiled again before leaning up to place a soft, quick kiss onto the tip of his baby’s nose, making him squirm and giggle almost inaudibly.

“That’s my brave, little boy.”, he said, and Stevie felt a rush of pride going through his body at those words. Bucky pulled him into another hug, and again Stevie leaned his face onto his shoulder, although this time he wasn’t crying anymore, and instead nuzzled his lips against his Daddy’s neck, enjoying the way his warm breath hit his own face and making his Daddy shiver lightly.

His Daddy chuckled as he pulled back again and saw the grin on his boy’s face, before pressing a big kiss to his cheek.

When Bucky moved an inch further to the left to repeat the action there, Stevie quickly turned his head to the side so that instead of kissing his cheek, his Daddy was kissing his lips.

For a short second, Bucky seemed hesitant, unsure if it had only been an accident on Stevie’s side, but then he felt his boy leaning further into the kiss, and couldn’t help but smile against his lips about his Stevie’s sweetness.

Although he did enjoy it a lot to kiss his boy, Bucky knew that this wasn’t the time to take things further than that, so he eventually pulled back again, and instead let his thumb run over Stevie’s bottom lip softly.

Almost immediately, Stevie opened his mouth a bit to gently nibble at the digit, causing a flood of warmth washing through his Daddy’s entire body.

With his free hand, Bucky began searching his boy’s jeans for his right front pocket, and fished out his pacifier. He quickly brought it to his own lips and sucked it in for a second, a thing he always did in an attempt to clean it, before offering it to his baby, who’s eyes lit up as soon as he had closed his lips around it, instantly starting to rhythmically suck on his binky.

With another kiss to Stevie’s forehead, Bucky eventually got up from the ground and gently let his fingertips run from his boy’s ear to his chin, before letting his arm fall back to his own side while Stevie looked up at him with big, lovesick eyes as his lips kept moving around the pacifier, making him look almost too adorable to handle.

“You’re gonna be a good, little boy and wait for me here, alright, and Daddy’s gonna go and get you a fresh diapey from the other bathroom, okay?”, he asked and smiled brightly as Stevie nodded, visibly happy about getting the opportunity to prove just how much of a good boy he could be for his Daddy.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”, Bucky promised, and with one last, assuring smile he exited the room and hurried to get all the stuff he would need to change his little angel.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his almost-accident in front of Natasha, Bucky takes care of his little boy by changing him into a fresh diaper.  
> Also, they're having The Talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried to get farther with this story than I did, but school really is a lot right now, and I'm just so exhausted all the time.  
> Also, I couldn't quite decide on how to continue this story, so I thought that maybe a very detailed, soft diaper change including awkward boners and a talk about them might be exactly what you, me and the story need right now.  
> There are some mild sexual undertones and references since the relationship they're having isn't non-sexual and they needed to talk about some aspects of that in this, but overall Bucky is really just taking care of Stevie and trying to make him feel better about himself and his (body's) wants and needs.
> 
> Lot's of blushing and reassurance!

True to his words, Daddy came back after a short while, equipped with Stevie’s big blanket, the wipes which they stored in the other bathroom, the baby powder, and, to Stevie’s surprise, two diapers.

Bucky smiled softly at him as he entered the room, before he put the stuff onto the cabinet and spread the blanket out on the bathroom rug, turning it into an even softer spot to lay on. 

Then, he went back to his boy, and, accompanied by a lot of blushing and squirming from Stevie’s side, teared open the side material of the nappy because he knew that standing up to take it off would end in an even bigger mess, and caught the soaked thing with his hand under Stevie’s groin to keep it from falling into the toilet underneath.

Stevie cringed at the sight of some rivulets of his pee-pee running over Daddy’s hand as he went and put the diaper into a plastic bag, which he got out of the cabinet since the fancy anti-smell diaper trash was in the other bathroom and it was too wet to be put in the normal trash just by itself, and got rid of it, but there was no sign of disgust to be found on Bucky’s face, and even though Stevie was still terribly ashamed, it made him relax a bit.

It was good to see that Daddy wasn’t revolted by him, yet.

Bucky quickly rinsed his hand off under a stream of cold water and dried it on his jeans before returning to Stevie’s side, offering him a hand to stand.

It was almost funny, the way Stevie walked over to the rug with his jeans around his ankles now, and he was glad that Daddy was helping him.

Carefully, they both got him to the ground and even though he thought it was a bit ridiculous, Stevie immediately felt better as soon as his back met his blanket, and he began sucking on his pacifier rhythmically again, which he had almost forgotten while watching Bucky throw away the proof to his shame.

Daddy got up again and after a second, Stevie felt something soft nudge the side of his head.

Understanding the command, he lifted his head, and Daddy placed a folded towel underneath, making it more comfortable for his baby to lie down on the ground.

Then, Bucky knelt down in front of Stevie, in between his spread legs, and undressed him from his pants before pushing his shirt up to further expose his belly.

With featherlight touch, Bucky let both hands run down Stevie’s sides, from his ribcage to his hips, making Stevie squirm a bit with the mismatched sensation, knowing that his metal hand was colder than the other. He repeated the motion, and despite himself, Stevie giggled almost inaudibly, and tried to squirm away again.

Bucky grinned. Steve had always been ticklish, even before the serum, but since he had changed, he must also have gotten a lot more sensitive.

When he looked up to his boy’s face, Stevie was smiling slightly around his pacifier. It made Bucky happy to see that despite his accident and the embarrassment, his mood wasn’t irredeemably ruined.

With a firmer grip now, Bucky took hold of Stevie’s sides and leaned forward, until he was able to place his lips in the middle of his stomach, barely even touching him, softly blowing his breath across the skin which made Stevie shiver and giggle again.

Then, his Daddy let his mouth trail downwards, placing kisses here and there, blowing air into Stevie’s bellybutton whereupon his boy reacted with a full-body-jerk, before making his way over to his hipbone. 

He let his hands slide further down until he held the outside of Stevie’s thighs in both hands, gently massaging the flesh there while his lips kept wandering.

For a second, Stevie was horrified by the thought of his Daddy kissing him where he must surely be smelling terribly, and he held his breath when he felt Bucky placing a kiss onto his pubic bone, but then his Daddy turned his head and continued his soft ministrations on the inside of Stevie’s right thigh, kissing and nibbling at the skin until he reached his knee while his hand wandered alongside on the outside of the leg, and Stevie slowly found his heartbeat going back to normal.

Not that he wouldn’t want his Daddy to kiss and touch him there, but… not right now. Especially not while he was still all sticky and yucky down there. He was glad that Daddy always seemed to know what he wanted and needed, even without him telling him.

With his eyes closed and his lips still leaned against a particularly soft spot of skin, his stubble scratching Stevie just the right way, Stevie heard his Daddy mumbling a very quiet, very gentle, “I love you.”

Suddenly having to swallow around a lump in his throat at the sight of his Daddy being so soft and raw, and looking almost… _vulnerable_ , Stevie reached out with his right hand to place it over the metal one, which was still resting on his thigh, and squeezed it gently, causing Bucky to open his eyes and look at him, gaze so filled with affection and adoration it made Stevie’s heart physically clench in his chest, and there was a small smile playing around his Daddy’s lips, yet Stevie couldn’t say that he was looking joyful.

There was something different in Bucky’s expression, a thoughtfulness and love, definitely love, but also something Stevie couldn’t quite name. All he knew was that the look Daddy gave him made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, a feeling that only grew when he answered that he loved him too, so much, and Daddy’s eyes lit up at his words while the smile on his face spread until it was one of actual, real happiness.

“You’re the cutest, loveliest, prettiest, _bestest_ little boy there is, do you know that?”, Bucky asked in a quiet voice, and Stevie blushed, chest swelling with pride over the praise, and was quick to turn his head to the side and let go of Daddy’s hand to grab the corner of the blanket to pull it closer to his face, halfway hiding it in the soft fabric, suckling forcefully on his binky.

Above him, Daddy chuckled.

Then, his hands patted the skin where they had been resting, before Bucky reached up to the cabinet with his right one, searched around for a second, until he grabbed the wipes and opened the package.

He kissed the inside of Stevie’s knee again, before signalling him with light pressure of his palms to spread his legs further, and, blush turning deeper, Stevie followed.

Impossibly gently, Bucky let the wipe run first through one cleft between groin and thigh, before repeating the motion on the other side, making sure that there was no drop of urine left, as he knew from his own experience that the skin there tended to get irritated easily when not cleaned up properly.

Then, he took another wipe and took care of his boy’s bum, to where the wetness had spread as well, first wiping off his cheeks before softly letting the fabric wander through the crack in between, soothingly circling his free hand’s thumb over Stevie’s hipbone as he ran the wipe over his hole, which caused his baby to jump and tense a bit, whining quietly over the sensation of the cold material meeting the sensitive spot.

“Shh, baby boy, it’s okay, it was just a bit cold and I know it feels icky sometimes, but Daddy is done there now.”, Bucky tried to hush him, stopping the cleaning up until he felt his little angel relax a bit again, gently stroking up and down his side with one hand until his legs splayed out almost as wide as they had been before.

Once Stevie was looking more comfortable again, Bucky grabbed another wipe and let it run through where his pubic hair was covering his skin, trimmed, a few shades darker than the hair on his head, and almost a bit wiry in contrast to the softness of the one Bucky used to love burying his hands in, back when it had been a bit longer, and Stevie had been a lot smaller.

The hair was shorter now, but Bucky still loved running his fingers through it all the same. That hasn’t changed.

Stevie was bigger now, but he would always stay Bucky’s little punk. That hasn’t changed, either, and never would.

When he was done, Bucky took yet another wipe out of the package, but before he let it touch Stevie’s skin, he held it in his hand for a few seconds, warming it up a bit.

Then, he gently began to wipe down his boy’s testicles, being a careful as ever since he knew just how sensitive Stevie was there, before cleaning his perineum with soft strokes.

When he looked up at his boy, he saw that he was hiding his face fully now, the blanket over his eyes and his head and his chin also nuzzled into the fabric, leaving only the tip of his nose and his lips with the pacifier in between left to Bucky’s eyes, who couldn’t help but chuckle quietly at the sight of his embarrassed baby boy.

Bucky wasn’t surprised when he noticed Stevie’s penis twitching a bit at the pressure on his perineum, as this has happened quite a few times while changing him now, yet Stevie was just as ashamed as ever. 

His Daddy wasn’t bothered by the sight, though, because he knew that in this case, it wasn’t an indication that his boy wanted their activity to lead anywhere else but into a fresh diaper.

He wasn’t breathing hard enough for that, wasn’t spreading his legs open as wide as he could, wasn’t circling his hips almost unnoticeable while Daddy was touching him there.

It took him some time, but Bucky had eventually found out about the little signs that told him that his boy needed a bit more from him than just a clean-up, as he was usually too shy to voice it or show it openly, but by now, his Daddy knew what he had to look for, and he was seeing none of that right now.

When Bucky let the wipe run over Stevie’s penis, wrapping his hand around it gently to reach everything he needed to clean his boy properly, he felt it swelling up a bit, accompanied by a whimper muffled by a pacifier and a blanket.

“Oh honey, it’s fine, I know, I know.”, Bucky murmured soothingly, knowing just how humiliated his little angel always gets when his body was showing that reaction. “Sometimes it feels funny when Daddy’s touching your pee-pee, even though we aren’t even in the mood for our special play time, huh? It’s just something that happens at times, but it doesn’t have to mean anything, you know?”

Stevie shrugged.

Bucky couldn’t see much of his face, but the skin he was able to look at was fiery red, and Stevie was suckling on his binky almost hectically.

“Would you like Daddy to explain it a bit more to you?”, Bucky asked, and after a few seconds of consideration, Stevie nodded.

Even though Stevie couldn’t see it with the blanket over his eyes, Bucky smiled down at him in response, before gently resuming his work of cleaning Stevie’s penis.

“Okay. So, as you have already noticed, this part of your body is very sensitive to being touched, and just a bit pressure or friction at the right spots can make a man feel all funny and tingly down there. And even though you are a little boy right now, you still have all that parts that a grown man has, isn’t that so?”

Turning his head a bit so he could look at Bucky with one eye from under the blanket, Stevie nodded, curious enough now to not jump when his Daddy gently pulled his skin back a bit so he could properly reach the underside of his glans. 

“See, this thingy that Daddy is holding right now, is called a ‘penis’, but if you are more comfortable with it, we can also call it your pee-pee, or any other word you’d like to use for it, because penis is a really big word for a little boy like you, right? What would you like Daddy to call it?”, Bucky asked, coaxing Stevie into giving an actual answer, trying to distract him from the way he was working the wipe over his member carefully.

“Pee-pee is fine.”, Stevie eventually mumbled quietly, and as so often, Bucky was glad for his enhanced hearing, because the shy voice combined with the pacifier made it almost impossible to understand what Stevie was saying.

Again, Bucky smiled at him. “Alright, pee-pee it is, then. So, the funny thing about our pee-pees is, that when we play around with them and touch them, they sometimes do this thing that yours did a few minutes ago, where they are getting a bit bigger and harder, and you might even feel all tingly and fuzzy here and also there.”, Bucky said and swiftly let the wipe glide over Stevie’s testicles, causing his penis to twitch again, only this time Stevie didn’t whimper. Instead, he was pulling the blanket further away from his eyes, and was staring at his Daddy with an almost fascinated look on his face, eyes glued to Bucky’s lips as he was talking.

“That doesn’t always happen if we touch ourselves there, though, and sometimes, it happens even though we aren’t touching our pee-pees at all, for example when we have to go potty pretty badly, or when we are having nice thoughts or dreams about our special play time.”, Bucky explained, barely holding back a laugh at the way his boy adorably blushed at those words. “Sometimes, we wake up with a hard pee-pee, even though we didn’t do anything. I’m sure that has happened to you, too, and I bet that had been pretty confusing.

But baby boy”, Bucky said while reaching out with his left hand to gently let his thumb run over Stevie’s hip again. “All of that is normal. It’s a natural reaction from our bodies, something that happens to most, if not all, men, and even though women have different parts there than we do, they can feel something quite like that as well. And it’s nothing you’ll ever have to feel embarrassed about, especially not when it happens with Daddy around or when you’re by yourself. I promise, I would never laugh or make you feel stupid about it. It has happened to me so many times, too, and believe me, some situations have been really ill-timed for that.”, Bucky laughed and Stevie giggled, too, even though his cheeks have turned a deep shade of pink.

“Like I said”, Bucky continued as he wiped over the spot between Stevie’s penis and his testicles, “Sometimes it happens just because your body feels like it, and other times it happens because we are thinking of our special play time, where we are making each other feel really good by touching and rubbing and doing all the other stuff that we like. If your pee-pee gets stiff because of those thoughts or dreams, and you’re feeling all excited all of a sudden, it’s called ‘arousal’. And honey, it’s perfectly fine to feel that way, too. I know that you are a very shy little boy when it comes to telling Daddy that you want him to take care of your excitement, and that’s okay, but I also want and need you to know, that you are always allowed to ask or show Daddy what you need. Sure, there might be days when Daddy isn’t in the mood, too, but I promise that we’ll always find a way to take of you, okay? And sweetheart, if you happen to be alone when you’re getting aroused, and Daddy’s not here or busy or you just don’t want to have play time with him, you are absolutely allowed to take care of yourself. You don’t ever have to ask for permission to touch and play with yourself, and Daddy will never be angry or disappointed with you if you make yourself feel good, because this is still your body, and I am your Daddy and your friend and your partner, but not your owner. Do you understand that?”, Bucky asked.

Stevie looked at him with big eyes, and nodded.

“Can you use your voice for me, pretty please?”, Bucky asked kindly.

“Yes, Daddy, I understand.”, Stevie eventually answered, whereupon Bucky smiled at him warmly, and squeezed his hip with his palm.

“That’s Daddy’s good, little boy.”, he commended, causing his baby’s eyes to beam with joy.

He would never get tired of the way Stevie reacted to being praised.

Due to his talking, Stevie hasn’t even noticed that he was all done with wiping him clean, and there was an adorable look of surprise on his face when he saw that his Daddy was reaching for the baby powder now, followed by a quick look onto his own groin as if he couldn’t believe that there was no wipe anymore until he has seen it with his own two eyes.

Stevie’s penis was still lying there semi-hard, and despite Daddy’s kind and assuring words, Stevie couldn’t help the pang of embarrassment in his chest when he saw it. He was glad that he was only feeling a tiny bit tingly, though.

When Bucky eventually took hold of the baby powder, he gently began to shake the bottle over Stevie’s groin, covering his little angel in a white layer or sweetly smelling dust.

He feigned a coughing fit as some of the dust began to spread through the air, waving his arms wildly in front of his face in a try to make it go away, and even though Stevie looked worried for a second, he quickly understood that his Daddy was only joking, and started to giggle at the funny face his Daddy was making.

Endeared by the adorable way his baby was laughing around his binky, Bucky leaned forward and attacked his sides with swift fingers, tickling Stevie mercilessly until his boy was a giggling, full-body-jerking mess with a red face and eyes squeezed shut in front of him, panting a bit by now, and practically beaming with joy.

Bucky stopped his sweet torture and instead let his palms rest against Stevie’s skin, only his thumb rubbing soft circles into the muscles underneath them as he gave his boy a break to come down a bit again.

Bucky knew that they were already taking forever by now, and that Natasha was still sitting in the living room, probably wondering what the hell they were doing, but even if he tried, Bucky couldn’t find it in him to care. Maybe he was a bad host, but this, making Stevie laugh and relax and feel safe again after he had felt to terribly ashamed of his little accident, was so much more important, and he found that not only Stevie must’ve needed this right now, but he himself had needed it, too.

Once Stevie’s breathing was back to normal again, Bucky continued powdering his groin and butt.

With careful motions, he began massaging the powder into the skin a bit, but got interrupted when he was busy with Stevie’s pubic bone.

“Daddy?”, his boy was asking coyly around the binky, “When you are-, is your-, um, is your pee-pee getting hard t-too, when you’re putting yourself into a diapey?”, he eventually asked, eyes avoiding meeting Bucky’s, cheeks red-skinned again.

Bucky chuckled, now feeling a bit squirmy as well. “Yes, honey, sometimes that happens.”

Stevie’s eyes grew huge at that. “Even though you are doing it yourself?”, he asked in an astonished tone.

“Yes, even though I am diapering myself, baby. Like I said, sometimes it’s enough to have some pressure on your pee-pee for it to get hard.”

Stevie continued suckling on his binky, looking as if he wanted to further talk about it, but was feeling too embarrassed to do so.

“What is it, honey? Spit it out.”, Bucky encouraged him with a kind smile, gently stroking one palm over the inside of Stevie’s thigh.

“B-but do you, like, ever… feel funny in your pee-pee just because, um, just because, you, like… justbecauseyoulikeputtingadiapeyon?”, Steve stuttered, until the last part of the sentence eventually sounded more like one long, slurred word instead of several separate ones.

Bucky thought about it for a second. He felt strangely caught in a way, and now it was his turn to feel a bit uneasy about being the one that had to talk about what’s causing him to get hard, what’s making him feel all kinds of good.

But, he decided, there was no space for hiding in their relationship. If he wanted Stevie to be honest about his wants and needs, he needed to be, too, and honestly, it wasn’t really a secret that diapers, especially wet ones, got him off. It was only new to him to talk about it like that.

“Well, yes, baby boy, sometimes putting a diapey on makes Daddy feel really good.”

“A-… arousal?”, Stevie asked, causing Bucky to chuckle.

“Yes, exactly. The arousal I was talking about earlier.”

Stevie nodded, looking thoughtful again. Then, he grimaced a bit and his blush returned full-force.

“Sometimes when you change me, it’s making me feel really good, too, Daddy.”, he eventually said, head turned to the side, close to hiding in the blanket again, while the fist that was not grabbing the fabric nervously clenched and unclenched at his side.

Quickly, Bucky reached out with his right hand and took hold of it, intertwining his fingers with Stevie’s, and talking to him in a soft voice. “It’s okay, baby boy, it’s okay to feel that way. There is nothing wrong about that, and Daddy is so proud of you for telling him what you like.”

Stevie smiled a bit in return, and nodded jerkily. Then, he turned his head back to look at his Daddy openly.

“When ‘T-tasha is gone again… can I try it?”

“Try what, baby boy?”, Bucky asked, puzzled.

“You know… put a diapey on you.”, Stevie answered, voice starting to get quiet and shy again.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the request, too endeared by his little angel’s wish to take care of him the way Daddy always took care of his baby, trying to make him feel as good as Daddy makes him feel.

Squeezing his hand for emphasis, Bucky nodded. “Of course you can, if that’s something that makes you curious. Daddy will help you a bit, if you want me to, and then we should be fine. I think I would really like that.”, he said, and a mixture of happiness and relief started to spread on Stevie’s face at that.

It must’ve taken him a lot of courage to ask for this, Bucky thought, it made him very proud to see that his boy trusted him enough to share those kind of thoughts and wants with him.

“But not while ‘Tasha’s still here.”, Stevie added, now looking serious again as if this was the most important part of the deal.

“Not while ‘Tasha’s still here.”, Bucky repeated, followed by a wink. “Once she’s gone, I’m all yours.”, he said in dramatic voice, and the seriousness fell away from Stevie’s face as he started to giggle again, loving it when his Daddy was speaking with different, funny sounding voices.

Bucky finished applying the powder to all the spots where it was needed, after that, and then spread out the diaper.

Stevie swallowed hard at the sight of the thicker padding, knowing that it would be more visible through the jeans, but if he was honest with himself, after what had just happened with the pull-up, he preferred this.

Natasha was Natasha, and Natasha probably already knew exactly what they were doing.

And that thought was terrible, and it made another wave of embarrassment crush through his body, but what was he supposed to do?

He had tried to be big, and he had failed, and it nearly ended in a full-blown potty accident right in front of ‘Tasha’s eyes. He had been only lucky enough to make it to the other room before his pee-pee came out, and that was a too-close call to try again and go out there with only a pull-up on.

So, a diaper and hoping for the best it had to be.

When Bucky gently let his fingers run over the right side of his butt, Stevie lifted his hips willingly, and even though he wouldn’t want to admit it, as soon as his skin was touching the soft, thick material of the diapey, he immediately felt a bit more safe, a bit more protected.

He spread his legs open widely to help his Daddy pulling the diaper up in the front, only squirming a bit as his Daddy took hold of his pee-pee with a warm hand, still not completely soft again, and guided it around until it was laying comfortably againt the padding, rubbing against it slightly when Stevie moved around, both giving him a tiny bit of the tingly feeling and the reassurance that if he had to go potty again, he was being taken care of.

Once he was all set, Daddy helped him getting dressed again.

The jeans really were a bit tight over the diaper, and Stevie could feel the shame rising again, but Daddy took both his hands and helped him sit upright, before leaning forward and kissing him onto his forehead. Then, he cupped Stevie’s face with one hand, and looked him deep in the eyes, where Stevie found nothing but softness, affection and reassurance.

His Daddy hasn’t even needed to say a single word, and Stevie was already feeling a lot better about himself.

Then, Bucky smiled at him lightly. “I know that you aren’t really comfortable with wearing that diapey around Natasha, and I’m so proud of you for letting me put it on you, anyways. You are being such a brave, lovely little boy for me right now, and I’m still so sorry that you have to go through all of this today.”

“She’s our friend, Daddy.”, Stevie answered quietly, words muffled by the pacifier.

Bucky smiled again and nodded. “That’s right, she is. And because I know how much courage this is taking you, I have decided that I don’t want to you to have to go through this alone. What do you say, should Daddy wear a diapey today, too?”, Bucky asked and winked, already knowing what the answer would be at the keen look that had spread on his boy’s face at the question.

“You would really do that?”, Stevie asked with big eyes, and Bucky nodded. “But you aren’t little!”, he couldn’t help but say worryingly, suddenly scared that if Nat saw that Daddy was wearing a diapey that she could make fun of him instead of Stevie, maybe.

“You’re right, I ain’t little, but you are _my_ little, you’re my little baby boy. And if this makes you feel at least a bit more comfortable and safe, I am happy to do it. So, yes or no?”, Bucky asked again, and this time Stevie nodded, clearly excited about the though that he wouldn’t have to go out there diapered alone, but also trying to tone his ardour down, not wanting to make his Daddy do something he didn’t want to do.

“Only if you’re sure.”, Stevie said eventually, whereupon Bucky smiled brightly and leaned forward again, this time to first kiss his cheek and then the corner of his mouth, bumping against the binky in the process, grinning against his lips as Stevie giggled silently about that.

“Daddy is being clumsy again today, isn’t he?”, Bucky said with a feigned annoyed eye roll before smiling at Stevie brightly, causing his little boy to laugh again. “And yes, honey, I am sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, seriouly, when they step out of that bathroom it will only be like the middle of the day. If you have any ideas on what they coould do all afternoon with their guest without outing stevie openly as the little that he is, please let me know about your ideas!  
> Also, please tell me what you thought about them having the talk, whether it was handled appropriately or not and if you want detailed care-giving scenes like that then and now in the future, again :)
> 
> thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> (and in case you want to help your exhausted girl out with a [coffee](http://www.buymeacoffee.com/catchfeels)... :') )


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for not having posted last week! I was so busy with school and work and family, I just didn't get the chance to finish the chapter, but now I finally did, and made it extra long as an apology :)
> 
> some lovely reader has suggested to build a pillow fort, so that is exactly what you are going to get! (thank you again for that nice idea!!)  
> Also, get ready for the official Exposure^tm of little!Steve and some deep talk between Nat and Bucky. 
> 
> Ps; please forgive me for my poor attempt at inserting a russian sentence in here, i feel like google translator didn't do me well but i also couldn't do it without it, so... bear with me, please :'D 
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

Despite his Daddy’s nice and reassuring words, it took Stevie a lot of courage to follow him back into the living room, grasping his hands tightly, the diaper rustling a bit with every step he took, the pacifier bulging a bit in his right front pocket.

He didn’t need a mirror to know that his face was scarlet red. He felt cold sweat running down between his shoulder blades.

When they entered the living room, their guest was sitting exactly where they left her, with her eyes on the screen as the end credits were playing, and her arms slung around her knees.

Nat turned her head towards them as they opened the door, and greeted them with a warm smile.

Stevie felt Daddy’s hand squeeze tighter around his as he reciprocated the smile, but if even Stevie could see how tense he was, Nat had probably already smelled it through the closed door.

Nevertheless, if she did know, she didn’t show. She let her gaze wander over to Stevie, who suddenly felt like his skin was burning up and prickling as soon as he felt her eyes on him, and despite trying to appear mature and adult, he couldn’t help but quickly look down at his socked feet in order to not have to look at her always knowing, always perceiving face.

There were a few seconds of silence in which Stevie felt the tension in the room practically pushing the air out of his lungs, and he was certain that soon he would have to start gasping in order not to suffocate.

Just when he thought he couldn’t stand it any longer while his Daddy was just staring at Natasha like a deer in headlines, almost crushing his hand with his metal fingers, he heard their guest speaking in her warm, calm voice: “I hope it’s okay that I finished the movie while you were gone, I was just too curious to find out what happened next to wait.”, she said, and for some reason, the tone of her voice made Stevie look up at her, and he was met with a playful wink and a smirk, but not the teasing kind, the… knowing kind. “It was a great movie, actually.”, she added, and Stevie felt the blush creep onto his skin again, so he quickly looked down again.

It was a weird thing; whenever Nat looked at him, he felt naked and ripped from all his secrets. But at the same time, he didn’t feel exposed, not in the bad way. He felt… _seen_. Seen for what he was. It has always been like that.

In the beginning it had been uncomfortable and to be honest, more than just a bit creepy, but now, now that he knew her for long enough to know that she was loyal, and kind, and patient… it felt comforting, in a way, to really be _seen_.

Despite his burning skin, Stevie met her eyes. In the corner of his view he saw his Daddy turning his head to look at him, biting his lip nervously. 

“I-it’s one of my favourites.”, Stevie said in a small voice, surprising himself with the courage to speak into the quiet room.

Next to him, his Daddy let out a shaky breath, and Stevie felt the grip of his hand loosen up slightly.

Nat’s smirk turned into a real smile again. “You have a really good taste in movies, young man.”, she said, her eyes twinkling warmly at him, and Stevie nodded, and smiled back, weirdly happy about her approval.

Suddenly, he felt his Daddy guiding his held hand into his right, so his metal one was free to touch the small of Stevie’s back. “Which is why he always gets to decide which movies we’re watching, right?”, he asked in a surprisingly calm, almost _proud_ sounding voice, and it made Stevie blush anew, out of the best reason this time.

“I see. I could use such a great movie-decider as well.”, Nat added, still grinning at him, but yet again, there was no teasing behind it, only kindness. She sounded sincere, and that made Stevie’s heart jump.

In a weird way, he suddenly wasn’t just okay with her seeing him for what he was. He also wanted her to.

“You know what else is a cool movie?”, he asked, voice a bit higher than usual, both from nervousness and from excitement about sharing his movie knowledge. 

Looking terribly curious, Nat widened her eyes and shook her head. “No, I don’t! Will you tell me?”

Eagerly, Stevie nodded, and he felt Daddy’s thumb gently rubbing his skin through his shirt.

“Beauty and the Beast!”, Stevie said. “But the new version, with Hermione, not the old one! I mean, the old one is good, too, but… the new one’s better, because Hermione is so pretty in her dress.”

Again, Natasha’s lips turned into an affectionate smile, and she nodded in a considering way. “I have never seen that movie before, but I heard a bit about it. Maybe we could watch it this evening?”, she asked, letting her eyes wander over to Bucky, who had lost more and more of his tension with every passing second, until now.

Quickly looking between Stevie and Natasha, who both looked at him expectantly, Bucky shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, of course, I don’t see why not.”

That made Stevie smile brightly, because he really did love that movie, and suddenly he couldn’t wait to share it with Tasha. 

Said woman looked happy about his Daddy’s words, too, as she wiggled a bit in her seat before raising her eyebrows at Stevie, letting him know just how much on his side she was with this.

“So, movie night it is.”, she proclaimed in a voice that didn’t allow objection, not that there had been any to begin with.

Bucky was happy to have something like a plan for the evening, as he was a bit stumped by how they were supposed to spend the day, anyway, and Stevie was happy that he would get to show one of his favourites to their guest. A win-win situation then.

Looking at his boy with a slight frown, Bucky wondered if he knew whether or not Natasha was well aware of the… condition he was in. Bucky knew that she knew. Nat knew that he knew that she knew. And how could she not, with the order he gave off to her weeks ago, the folded up playpen in the corner of the room and to top it all off, their behaviour?

But what did Stevie know?

He didn’t want to ask him, too afraid that he would make him feel all insecure and exposed anew, now that he had started to open up a bit. If this, whatever it was, was working for him, Bucky didn’t want to take it away. He still had hope that with time, Stevie would stop caring about whether or not Nat knew, because it was _Nat_ , and Nat was nice, and understanding, and good.

But there was nothing he could do to influence that. His job was to make sure that his boy was feeling as comfortable and safe as possible, and the rest was up to Stevie himself.

Bucky got pulled out of his thoughts by Nat speaking again: “Do you guys have any plans for the day yet?”, she asked, sounding motivated and ready to conquer the world, and Bucky just knew that it was her subtle tactic to show his baby that it was alright, that it was okay, that she understood and didn’t judge.

Tearing his eyes away from Stevie’s pretty face, who looked at him curiously because he didn’t know about any plans, he met Nat’s eyes and shook his head. “No, not really. Or, do we?”, he asked, wanting to give his boy the opportunity to participate, whereupon Stevie shook his head as well.

“Great!”, Nat proclaimed, smiled in a pleased way, arched one eyebrow up and rubbed her palms together like a giant fly with a master plan. “Because there’s something that I have always wanted to do, and I feel like now is a great time to try it.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

30 minutes later, and if Bucky had tried to say that he wasn’t panting, and there was no sweat running down his back and soaking into his shirt a bit already, he had lied.

Not only did he have to run down the stairs three times already (and back up, too, logically), but he was now on his way to the basement for the fourth, but hopefully, last time.

While he was running his ass off to get the mattresses and blankets the people who lived in their apartment before them had left behind, and which looked too new and good to get thrown away so they had kept them, their lives in poverty still very present in the back of their minds even though it had nearly been a century ago, back into the flat, his boy, who he didn’t want to join him with this exhausting job because he was his little _boy_ , and Natasha were busy putting the cushions of the sofa onto the floor and collecting all the other blankets and pillows they could find in the living room. 

As it turned out, Nat’s evilly introduced plan, rubbing hands and mysteriously twinkling eyes included, hasn’t been evil, after all. Instead, with the literal joy of a child (and it made Bucky feel like he had two of them in his home now for just a second), their guest had announced that what she had always wanted to do, and never got the chance to, was to build a pillow fort.

Stevie’s eyes had lit up immediately, and he eagerly had turned his head around to look at his Daddy with pleading eyes, and Bucky, even though it was hazy and barely-there, remembered how he and Steve used to do something like that when they were younger, and it was storming outside, even though they only had one mattress and a few, thin blankets. It didn’t matter back then, though. He didn’t remember much, but what he remembered was that he had loved it.

So, with his heart doing a little happy dance at the memory and the excited look on his little angel’s face, accompanied by the awaiting expression on Nat’s face, who seemed to be equally excited but tried to hide it, he happily agreed to it, and felt a real, genuine smile spread on his face.

Maybe this unexpected visit wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.

They had quickly decided who was responsible for what, after Stevie had reminded Bucky that they had put the majority of the stuff the former tenants had left behind (and that was a lot, even their current kitchen had already been installed and used when they moved in) into their rather huge basement, most of the furniture protected by plastic wrap, while the other, smaller things occupied the cupboards.

Even while putting all the stuff down there, both he and Steve had known that they’d most likely never get to use it again. But, some the stuff looked so well-kept, and some things looked like they carried a lot of history, and they didn’t understand why someone would leave them behind, so they decided to store it. Maybe the old tenants would change their minds, after all, and regret not taking their stuff with them. Or they could give it away to charity or something once enough time has passed to be sure that the former owners wouldn’t return. Who knew.

Now, Bucky was glad that they didn’t throw the mattresses and the blankets away, since they didn’t have enough of that stuff in the flat to build the fort of Nat’s dreams (especially since he’d rather keep the mattress on their bed right where it was, thank you very much), and since the basement was dry and clean enough to not complain about it, he found the desired objects in a good, satisfying condition.

As he loaded another two blankets and the last, big pillow onto his arms, Bucky took a last look around the room, searching for something they might need as well.

There was a lamp, a few pots and pans in a box, an old rocking chair that had weight a literal ton and nearly broke both their backs as they had attempted to carry it to the basement, and a few other boxed with smaller stuff, alongside a worn out looking kitchen table and a TV that seemed to be a leftover from the very first generation of TV’s. Or like, from the 90’s.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, and just as he was about to leave the room again, Bucky remembered that they had stored a package of fairy lights somewhere in there, too, and while he smiled to himself, he set the stuff in his arms down on the old table and began searching through several boxes, knowing just how much better the whole thing would become if they included fairy lights. Everything got better when fairy lights were included, alright?

It took him quite some time, but eventually, Bucky found them; they were shaped like tiny, smiling sheep, and if that wasn’t adorable and would conjure a smile onto Stevie’s (and maybe Natasha’s) face, he didn’t know what would. 

With all things piled up on his arms anew, Bucky switched off the lights carefully with one elbow before pulling the door shut with the back of one foot. He didn’t bother locking the door, because he trusted his neighbours enough to not go into their room, and even if they did, what where they supposed to see or steal? A pan? A sure-to-soon-fall-apart kitchen table? God, Bucky would almost be happy if someone did decide to steal that one because, honestly, Steve, no one would ever use that thing again and it was only taking up space. Also, it was ugly. Whoops, that had slipped.

Back in the flat, Bucky made his way to the living room, and was greeted by the happy image of his little boy with his arms full of blankets, smiling contently as Natasha took one after the other from him and placed them over the cushions, which they had laid upon the two old mattresses from the basement where the living room table formerly stood, now pushed to the side to give space to their project.

It already looked terribly comfortable, and deep in his stomach Bucky could feel a strange kind of impatience, because he really wanted this to be finished soon, so they could all just lay down inside and forget about the rest of the world for a few minutes.

Bucky walked over to Stevie, who immediately lit up as soon as he saw that his Daddy was coming towards him with another stack of blankets, a big fluffy pillow and, dear Lord, _fairy lights_.

His Daddy came to a halt next to him and quickly sneaked a look over his own shoulder to make sure that Nat was otherwise occupied, before leaning in an pressing a big kiss onto his boy’s temple, making him duck his head and blush adorably.

“You okay?”, Bucky asked, still smiling but voice sounding sincere.

Quickly, Stevie nodded. Then, Bucky’s eyes slid down to where his diaper was slightly bulging inside his jeans. “There, too?”

Again, Stevie nodded, although this time he looked rather embarrassed by his Daddy’s question, before he remembered that he actually had the best Daddy in the world, that didn’t let him out of the bathroom in diapers alone. Mimicking his Daddy’s expression, he looked down at his crotch, too, whereupon Bucky chuckled quietly and shook his head in amusement.

“Yeah, honey, Daddy’s fine there, too.”, he whispered, hoping that Nat didn’t hear him but even if she did, he doubted that he had it in him to care.

That made Stevie giggle, and for a short second he looked so happy and sorrow-free and actually _young_ that it made Bucky’s chest clench, before a very warm feeling started to spread through it. God, did he love his little angel.

Behind him, Natasha coughed dramatically, and arched her eyebrow up judgingly at him as he turned around. “Are you two planning on standing there all day? This fort ain’t gonna build itself.”, she said as she strode towards Stevie and pulled another blanket from his arms.

“Jeez, someone’s getting really bossy when it comes to pillow forts, huh?”, Bucky remarked with a laugh, and Natasha only smirked slyly before spreading the next blanket into the cushions.

It took them quite some time, but as they were standing next to each other in front of the fort, inspecting it thoroughly, Bucky couldn’t help the weird sense of pride that he was feeling tingling in his chest at the sight of this warm, comfortable, _good_ thing he had helped create with those hands that were used to leave a trail of blood and destruction and death for such a long time.

Sometimes the thought that that time was over for good overwhelmed him. Right now as he was standing next to his baby, with Nat on his other side, and they were all panting and sweating and looking at the actually pretty perfect pillow fort, was one of those moments, and he had to swallow a few times as he felt tears threatening to flow out of his eyes.

Quickly, he turned his head to the side and let his forehead rest in the crook of Stevie’s neck, trying to cover his sudden outburst of emotion as leaning into his boyfriend because he was exhausted, but he felt his boy searching for his hand, and willingly gave it to him, soaking up the comforting hold around it a second later, somehow relieved about the fact that Stevie knew him so well, even in headspace, that he couldn’t hide anything from him.

After a few seconds, Bucky had regained control over himself again, and the sudden urge to weep subsided and he lift his head again, although he decided that he wanted to stay pressed up against Stevie for a while longer.

“I think we did really, really good.”, Nat eventually stated, voice sounding satisfied and worn-out, but in a good way. In a we-outofallpeoplewe!-created-something-beautiful-kind of way.

“Do you like it?”, Bucky asked his boy, trying hard not to let one of their beloved pet names slip.

Next to him, Steve stared at the fort with huge eyes, the fairy lights reflecting in them. He nodded, lips slightly parted, completely in awe.

Bucky took that as a yes, laughed quietly, and squeezed his hand.

“So”, he began, now looking at Natasha. “Shall we go in?”

The woman next to him let her head tip to the side, her brows pulled together as she considered. It was almost ridiculous how cute and tiny she looked in Stevie’s way too big clothes.

“Soon, but not quite yet. If I go in there, I don’t plan on going out again for some time, and I think we should take care of our stomachs first, shouldn’t we?”, she asked, first looking at Bucky, then at Stevie, towards who she wiggled her eyebrows in a funny way, causing him to giggle a bit.

“Do you have anything specific in mind?”, Bucky asked.

Nat shrugged. “I was thinking maybe something with pasta? Or… we could also just screw the healthy lifestyle for an evening and order pizza?”

Next to him, Stevie nodded eagerly. As soon as he was in headspace, pizza became his weakness, partly because he loved how it tasted, sure, but also because he knew that pizza was something special, something Daddy didn’t allow them to order every time Steve felt like it. So yes, the idea of ordering pizza was a good one, and Stevie wanted Daddy to know that, so he accompanied his nodding with a hopeful look in his puppy-eyes and a pleading tug on Bucky’s arm, who sighed, let his metal hand run through his hair, before he shrugged and smiled at his boy, even as he was answering Natasha.

“Sure, pizza sounds just fine.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the time it took the pizza to get to their house, Bucky had taken Stevie to the bedroom with him, and changed him and himself into sweatpants and hoodies and warm, fluffy socks, wanting them both to be as comfortable as possible, the plan to keep on the adult clothing so it was easier for Stevie to act adult thrown out of the window quite some time ago.

They both have noticed that that hasn’t worked, so even though he looked a bit lost at first when his Daddy announced that they were going to change, he quickly agreed as soon as he laid eyes on the sweatpants and the warm hoodie Daddy has taken out of closet, from Daddy’s side, even. It was the one with the Nasa logo printed onto the front, and Stevie knew from experience that it was very soft and comfy indeed, so he willingly let his Daddy peel him out of his ‘adult’ clothes and help him into his new ones.

When they were both done changing, and his Daddy had pulled the binky out of his jeans’ pocket and put it into his new sweatpants’ pocket, Stevie leaned into his Daddy, slowly starting to get a bit tired. He hadn’t had the chance to take a nap today, and it showed.

Softly, Daddy embraced him and pulled him tighter against his front, and started placing little kisses onto the side of his little angel’s face.

“Are you okay, baby boy?”, Bucky asked into his ear, lightly letting his lips brush over Stevie’s earlobe, making him shudder a bit.

Wordlessly, Stevie nodded into his shoulder and wrapped his arms tighter around his Daddy’s waist. Then, he yawned.

Bucky chuckled. “Oh, my sweet, tired, little boy.”, he mumbled, before leaning down to kiss Stevie’s neck, feeling it vibrating against his lips as his boy groaned as an answer.

Then, Stevie lifted his chin from Bucky’s chest and looked up at him. “Daddy?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Am I-… is it okay if I can’t be big at all anymore, today?”, he asked, his voice very quiet, and he sounded concerned.

Bucky was quick to bring one of his hands up to cup his boy’s face, gently stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. “Of course, my love, I already told you that whatever you want to be today, it’s okay. If you feel that you can’t be big, that’s perfectly fine. Daddy will take care of you.”, he promised, and kept Stevie’s head upright so he couldn’t break eye contact.

His boy nodded at that. “Does Tasha know?”, he then asked, and for some reason, Bucky thought that even though it was a question, his answer wouldn’t be a new information for his boy, but confirmation of something he had already known before asking.

Sighing quietly, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, baby, I think she does.”, he said, and watched as Stevie closed his eyes for a second, looking like he was unsure about whether he wanted to cry or laugh.

When he opened them again, Bucky surprisingly didn’t see any of the desperation or the hysteria he had almost been expecting to find. Instead, Stevie’s eyes were calm, collected, as much as they could be while he was still in little space.

“She’s a good friend, right, Daddy? She didn’t even laugh.”, he said, and Bucky smiled a little, gently letting the tips of his fingers play with the little hairs in Stevie’s neck.

“Yeah, she’s a really good friend. I told you she wouldn’t laugh, because she cares a lot about you and me and if she sees that we are happy, she would never do anything to take that away from us. You’re safe, baby boy, even with her here. You know that, right?”

Now, Stevie smiled at him in return and nodded once. “I know, Daddy. Thanks to you.”, he said, and for a second his eyes were baring his raw soul, completely filled with trust and affection, and Bucky swallowed hard before letting his forehead rest against Stevie’s.

“You’re being such a brave boy for me, I’m so goddamn proud of you.”, he said, and was surprised to have his boy lightly slapping his metal arm in return.

“No bad words allowed, Daddy!”, Stevie said, looking at him with big eyes, and the earnestness and heaviness of them was now replaced with playfulness, and pure innocence.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.”, Bucky laughed, pulling his baby close again, embracing him for another minute. “You ready to go back?”, he eventually asked, and Stevie nodded where his face was leaning into his shoulder.

Slowly, Bucky took a step back to inspect his baby boy. Then, being in the sudden mood to tease him a bit, Bucky quickly let his hand wander down to Stevie’s waistband, giving him a swift warning, before he gently cupped his crotch, feeling the diaper up through his boy’s pants.

Stevie turned terribly red at that in an instant, although Bucky did notice how he opened his legs a bit by default at his action, almost wanting to show off just how well he had controlled himself this afternoon.

“All dry, huh?”, Bucky asked with a wink, and Stevie nodded, still red, but only looking a bit embarrassed now. “You gotta go potty before we go out again?”, he asked in a warm voice now, no hint of teasing in it anymore, knowing that this was still a sensitive subject for his baby.

Stevie quickly shook his head. “I didn’t drink a lot today, Daddy.”, he remarked in a tone that didn’t intent to, but made Bucky feel guilty because shit, his boy was right and shit, he hasn’t even noticed that.

“Oh honey, you must be really thirsty! Come on, let’s go and change that!”, Bucky said, and took hold of Stevie’s hand to lead him into the living room again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two big glasses of water and a bathroom break for Natasha (her announcement about where she was going had made his baby boy blush adorably as Bucky raised his eyebrows at him to nonverbally say ‘See? Told ya everyone has to go now and then.’) later, the doorbell rang, and the pizza eventually had arrived.

Nat was quick to answer the door, while Stevie and Bucky waited at the door to the floor a few steps behind her, watching as she said something that made the poor, young guy with the curly hair and the freckled skin blush heavily as he stammered something in return, holding back their laughter because this was _so_ Natasha and they had both been _so_ in the same situation before, before Nat returned with three boxes stacked in her arms, and that, combined with the too big clothes, was making her look like she was about to disappear behind them.

Bucky took them from her and set them down on the kitchen table, and the delicious smell had already started to spread through the apartment, and only then did Bucky realize just how hungry he actually was, his stomach growling at him impatiently at the smell.

Not bothering to get out the dishes, they simply took their respective pizzas (mushrooms and ham for Bucky, pepperoni for Steve and, reason enough to kick her out if Bucky was being honest and mean, which luckily for her rarely ever happened at the same time, Pizza Hawaii for Natasha) with them into the living room in their still-warm boxes.

Since it was her idea, Nat was the first to enter the fort, handing her box over to Bucky so she could climb inside through the low entrance, built of blankets that were swung over the sticks of the broom, the mop, and the side of one couch in a very complicated way, which looked rather fragile and ready to collapse any second, but actually held surprisingly well.

The other blankets, they had put over the back and the other side of the couch and placed the bigger pillows just so that they could hold the blankets at a height that allowed them all to crawl on their hands and knees on the mattresses and the cushions without being dangerously close to touching the ‘ceiling’ with their backs. In fact, one could even sit up, if he was careful not to lift his head too high.

And if they weren’t acting like the biggest clumsy clots ever, Bucky was sure that their construction would actually hold, even though it didn’t look like it at all. It was visible that none of them had ever build a pillow fort before, and that they didn’t necessarily owned all the important stuff to make it really stable and safe-looking, but Bucky couldn’t be bothered; it looked warm and cozy and homey, and what else could he have wished for?

With his boy standing next to him, Bucky watched Nat disappearing through the small entrance, and kept on inspecting their fort from the outside until Nat’s head appeared again, looking up at them with impatient eyes: “Do you plan on standing there all night? Get your butts in here, grandpas!”

At that, Bucky rolled his eyes, because… really? But then, he heard his Stevie giggling quietly next to him, and couldn’t help but let out a huffed laugh, too. These two combined really were a handful, he realized, while the odd, warm feeling from earlier started swelling in his chest again.

Gently, he pressed his lips against Stevie’s temple, and kissed him. “After you.”, he said and nodded towards the entrance, which was unoccupied by spy-heads again and instead greeted them with the dull shine of the fairy lights inside.

Eagerly and with beaming eyes, Stevie quickly handed his box over into Daddy’s arms, as well, and let himself fall down on his knees, but when he let his eyes wander towards the entrance again and looked inside, he suddenly hesitated.

With uncertainty, he looked back over his shoulder and up to his Daddy, as if waiting for instructions on what to do next.

“Get in, baby boy.”, Bucky encouraged him with a soft smile, but apparently that wasn’t enough; Stevie still didn’t move, and instead stared at him helplessly, with an almost pleading expression on his features.

Trying not to let the content in his arms tumble onto the ground, Bucky slowly knelt down next to his little angel. “What is it, baby boy? Don’t ya wanna get in?”, he asked, in a calm, quiet voice as he studied Stevie’s face, who looked insecure and a bit lost, but a tiny bit more comfortable as soon as his Daddy was on eye level with him.

Stevie shrugged, and looked down to the floor, where his right hand was clasping the material of one of the blankets that laid on the ground tightly. “I do, but…”

“But what, honey?”

“Not without you.”, Stevie mumbled, almost inaudible, and Bucky’s heart jumped at the sweet adorableness of it.

“I’ll be right behind you, okay? Look, I’ll put these down”, Bucky announced and placed the boxes on the floor next to him before reaching out with one hand to gently rest it on Stevie’s hip, “and I’ll be touching you the whole time. But we won’t fit through the entrance both at the same time.”

Stevie nodded, yet he was still worrying his bottom lip in between his teeth. He looked very unconvinced. “Can you go first?”, he then asked, watching the movement of his fingers carefully as the loosened and tightened their hold on the blanket a few times.

With a kind smile, Bucky squeezed Stevie’s hip. “Of course, I can. Daddy will wait right on the other side, okay? You don’t have to be afraid, baby boy.”

Gladly, Bucky saw a bit of the tension leaving Stevie’s frame, and he looked at his Daddy almost expectantly now. Winking at his boy, he made him giggle quietly while he crawled over to the entrance, until he was close enough to hand the boxes in.

“Hey Nat, can you take them, please?”, he asked, and a second later the boxes were wordlessly taken from him, and he could make his way into the fort on all fours.

As soon as he was inside, he was met by Nat’s smile and enchanted eyes, as he took a second to admire their work alongside her. The blankets were hung just high enough to not make him feel claustrophobic and despite not looking big at all from the outside, Bucky was surprised about the amount of space the fort provided; the three of them would fit into it easily, and still had some space left for a fourth or even a fifth, smaller person before it went against his needs for personal space.

The blankets they had used for building the ‘ceiling’ were all kinds of grey and white, but there was also one pink one mixed into them. The fairy lights turned everything warm and cozy, illuminating Nat’s face in front of him in a soft, lovely way, and Bucky could see the lights reflecting in her big eyes.

He was only in for a few seconds, and immediately loved it. There was just something about it that caused a deep feeling of safety to spread inside his body, and that was nice, that was really, really nice. The delicious smell of the pizza that had quickly spread in the small space only added to the homey feeling, and Bucky couldn’t wait to eat it, in this beautiful, soft place, surrounded by people he loved. When did he get so damn lucky?

After finishing his short admiration of his environment, Bucky turned around and sat down, bending forward a bit so he could look through the entrance, a big smile spreading on his face as he saw that his Stevie has already started crawling through it.

Although still looking a bit insecure, Stevie smiled back at him as soon as he spotted his Daddy, who had reached out one hand for him to grab once he was close enough.

Gladly, Stevie accepted that offer, and immediately felt more relaxed as soon as his skin made contact with his Daddy’s, and the slight pull on his arm combined with Nat’s friendly smile made him feel invited and welcomed.

Not that he had thought before that he wasn’t, but it was nice to feel the reassurance.

The way his Daddy smiled at him, all kind and content and _affirming_ , and how the shine of the fairy lights illuminated his face, made him look both strong and soft at the same time, and Stevie’s skin tingled.

He had always known that his Daddy was a very pretty man, and that he loved him very dearly, but the way he looked right now, looked _at him_ that very second, with the softness of the blankets and the warmth of the light surrounding him, unleashed something in Stevie, and suddenly, as the anxiety about what might be on the other side of the entrance vanished, all he wanted to do was being close to him, being held by his strong, protective arms, and smell him, kiss him, feel him all over and around his body. Without a second thought or a care about the fact that they weren’t alone, because that had seemed to completely leave his mind in that moment, he let himself fall forward as soon as he was inside the fort, and into his Daddy’s arms, which he opened just in time to catch his boy.

Bucky felt Nat’s eyes on them, but he couldn’t find it in him to bother that second, her attention was simply irrelevant right now and he couldn’t care less about it, not when his boy seemed to suddenly need him and his physical contact so very much.

Gently, he cupped the back of Stevie’s thighs and helped him into his lap, making him straddle his waist so he could embrace him fully, Stevie’s hair tickling the side of his neck where he had his face nuzzled into his Daddy’s shoulder, immediately losing every bit of tension he might have had in his body before Bucky wrapped his arms around him, slumping forward against his Daddy’s front, wiggling and snuggling to get as close to him as possible.

Softly, Bucky let his hand wander over his boy’s back. When he turned his head to the right, Nat wasn’t looking at them anymore, in fact she made it seem like she never had in the first place. Instead, she was opening the pizza boxes and looked for the one that was hers, causing the food smell to expand even more, and furrowed her eyebrows as if she was completely engrossed in her activity.

The mellow smile playing around her lips which she couldn’t quite will away fully gave her away, though.

With his left hand buried in Stevie’s soft hair, Bucky kept his eyes on Natasha, waiting for her to look up again.

And she did.

They locked eyes for a second, and Bucky didn’t dare to breathe while his fingers kept on stroking Stevie’s hair, who seemed to be completely oblivious to what they just gave away about themselves. Bucky wanted to keep it that way for now.

Sure, he was aware that Nat had known. But it was a different thing to know that she found out because she was able to find out anything, than to show her so openly just what was going on between him and his boy.

Could he mask it up as just being extremely, untypically cuddly with his boyfriend if he had to? Probably, yes. But he doubted that anyone would actually believe that, especially not Natasha, who has had a rough idea before, and a very clear one, now.

So yeah, this wasn’t new information to her, Bucky knew that. But it was making him anxious, in a way, to let her actually _see_ them like that for the first time, and kind of unprepared as well.

Logically, he knew that her reaction to it wouldn’t be rude or ridiculing in any way, but… try telling that to his nerves, though.

Nat held his gaze for a long second.

Then, she let her eyes wander over both his and Stevie’s frames, scanned the way Bucky’s right arm was curled around the other’s waist, holding him tight to his own body, and how his metal fingers gently ran through the short, blond hair, careful not to hurt him while at the same time softly scratching the skin on his head, causing Stevie, who seemed to have completely forgotten that he actually hadn’t wanted to show Nat this side of himself, to shiver lightly. 

Bucky still held his breath when Nat’s eyes followed the line of Stevie’s leg, which was wrapped around his Daddy’s side lazily, and how Stevie’s hands were softly grasping the fabric of Bucky’s shirt, worrying the material between his fingertips. 

Then, Natasha’s eyes found his again. For a moment, she looked completely unreadable, and Bucky was sure his chest was about to explode, until the corners of her mouth slowly began to rise into a calm, genuine smile, and she blinked at him slowly before returning her gaze to the pizza in front of her, making it look like she never did anything else in the meantime.

All of that lasted not longer than five, maybe six seconds, but for Bucky, it felt like an eternity.

Only when Nat was carefully beginning to separate one piece of pizza from the rest, was he able to let his held breath out again, his lungs rattling lightly in the process, more so because of his nerves than because of the breath-holding.

He was still stroking Stevie’s hair, and he felt like he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, as his body seemed to need that kind of calming distraction.

It was only a short moment, but for Bucky it felt like everything has changed while it passed.

Hesitantly at first, but not so much worried anymore, because now Nat has _seen_ them and the world hasn’t caught fire, no elderly woman was screaming in panic and the building hasn’t broken down to crumbs, Bucky allowed himself to move his head until he was close enough to touch his boy’s temple with his lips.

Although he knew she didn’t look at him anymore, he knew that Nat was paying attention to it, but that couldn’t stop him from gently kissing Stevie’s skin, Stevie, whom he was still hugging tightly to his chest, who didn’t seem the least bit tense or alarmed or bothered in any way, and asked, voice clear and loud; “How about we eat our pizza now, baby boy?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky didn’t know what triggered it, but while Stevie had tried to more or less hold onto his adult headspace before they had entered the fort, he was now completely caught in little space, in a way Bucky has experienced only maybe once or twice before;

His boy ate his pizza in silence, while Bucky and Nat had talked about Fury’s latest adventurous ideas and Clint and Laura’s plans for their house, only that he didn’t so much eat the food by himself, but mostly waited for his Daddy to hold the piece for him to bite a bit off it, and when Bucky was busy eating his own pizza or talking to Nat, he either clumsily held the pieces himself, sometimes letting them fall back down into the box, or simply waited for Bucky to return his attention to him again.

He didn’t whine at all, though, in those moments when Bucky was doing something else; in fact, he seemed to be completely happy, just leaning against his Daddy’s side, with the metal arm curled around his waist and holding him close, eating his pizza slowly and one bite at a time while listening attentively to what Daddy and Tasha were saying.

At first, Bucky was feeling bad whenever he had to use his free hand for his own food or had to turn his head in order to not be rude to Nat (even though he knew it wouldn’t have been a big deal for her to wait or to not be looked at while talking), but he soon noticed that Stevie didn’t plea for his attention but instead was sitting there patiently, and they fell into a rhythm in which Bucky first held the piece to Stevie’s mouth so he could take a bite, before grabbing his own and eating what he could in the time it took Stevie to chew and swallow, while at the same time listening to Nat.

Even though Stevie’s eyes were carefully glued to Nat’s and Bucky’s lips, Bucky doubted that he was really listening to their words, but was more focused on the sound of their voices, especially his.

While he spoke, Bucky noticed with fascination that, depending on which tone and speed he used, Stevie’s reaction differed. When Bucky was talking rather slow and in a low voice, Stevie would lean a bit more into him, while his body started to tense as soon as Bucky shared his honest opinion in an honest tone about something disgusting General Ross has apparently said to Sam while they were caught in the raft prison.

Now knowing just how sensitive his boy was today, Bucky took care in speaking as mellow and softly as possible.

Once they were done eating, Nat suggested that they should all lay down and close their eyes for a while in what she called a ‘digestion nap’.

Feeling rather full, warm and comfy after the meal and the conversation, Bucky agreed, and, according to the sleepy look on his baby’s face once he had finished most of his pizza and declared himself unwilling to eat more with a lazy shake of his head when his Daddy offered him another piece, so did Stevie.

Pretty much lying down where they had been sitting, since simply everywhere was comfortable and cozy, Bucky ended up with Nat lying on his right sight, on her back with her hands folded over her stomach and a relaxed expression on her face, and Stevie on his left, turned towards him with his legs pulled towards his tummy a bit, smiling adorably up at his Daddy while he was lying down himself, facing his baby boy and throwing his right arm over his waist as soon as he settled down.

Bucky knew that Nat wouldn’t mind him turning his back towards her, and even if she did, Bucky wouldn’t change his position; he wanted to look at his baby’s pretty face, appearing especially soft and gorgeous in the shallow shine of the fairy lights.

Stevie tried to keep his eyes locked with his Daddy’s, but it only took him a minute or two of lying down, before he had to start fighting to keep them open. The moments in which they were closed got longer and longer each time, and Bucky was pretty much enchanted by the fatigue on his baby’s face, making him look all young and also helpless in a way, as he didn’t seem to have it in him to stay awake for much longer.

Eventually taking mercy on his boy, Bucky gently cupped the side of his face with his right hand and softly stroked his cheek with his thumb, while Stevie desperately tried to keep his eyes open while it was already clear that he would lose this fight very soon.

Bucky leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to his boy’s forehead, keeping them there even as he was whispered; “It’s okay, baby boy, I can see how tired you are. You can sleep now, Daddy’s got you, Daddy will take care of you.”

He stayed there for a little while longer, just enjoying the warmth of Stevie’s skin against his lips, the way the fine hairs on his head slightly tickled his nose, almost too much to stand but not quite enough for him to take his nose away.

His words seemed to have been exactly what his little angel had needed to hear, because when Bucky eventually leaned back with his head to lay it down as well, Stevie’s eyes were closed, and his breathing was already coming a lot slower and more even than it did when he was awake.

Bucky let his hand wander over his boy’s side back to where it had been before, resting his arm on Stevie’s waist lightly and sliding over a bit until he was close enough to sneak one knee in between Stevie’s, and tucked his baby’s head comfortably under his chin.

Then, he closed his eyes as well, although sleep wouldn’t come to him due to the rapidity with which his thoughts were running through his mind.

Bucky would have never expected Stevie’s ‘outing’ to go down so well and almost easy. Sure, it wasn’t quite voluntarily and Nat had known before that he was in a slightly different _condition_ , and Bucky was afraid that as soon as Steve was feeling adult or just less little again, he would be terribly embarrassed and ashamed about letting himself go like he just did, but for now, Bucky was glad that it happened the way it had, without many words, because they weren’t needed, without any judgemental looks or remarks, because Nat was their friend and a good person, and without an immediate fallout for Stevie, since he fell so deep into his headspace that all he still seemed to feel was sleepiness, cosiness and the urge to be as close to his Daddy as possible.

The fort had really been a good idea. Bucky had thought a lot during the day about the proper way to let Nat know about what he and Stevie were having, officially, so that it was clear to Stevie, too, that she knew now, and while he didn’t quite get that since he was almost sure that Stevie wasn’t aware of her definite knowing right now, Bucky thought that it was still a very happy, convenient situation in which it happened, and also in a place that basically screamed the words ‘safe’ and ‘comfortable’ out loud.

Now, he had the chance to sit, or rather, lay down and think about everything that had happened since Natasha arrived, and so did she.

It was fairly easy to only think of himself and Stevie and the impact of the day for themselves while disregarding that Nat had a rough day, too, and that what she had witnessed all day was a lot for her to process, as well, and Bucky didn’t want to do that. He wanted to make her feel comfortable enough to not only accept what she saw, but also to talk to him about it if she needed to. She had reacted with so much kindness and support ever since the subject first came up, and Bucky felt like he not only owned her the promise to explain everything even if it might get uncomfortable at times, but he also wanted her to ask questions so he himself could talk about it.

Maybe he had missed this all along; to have someone to talk about it to, someone other than Stevie who was just as unexperienced and overwhelmed by everything as Bucky was himself. Someone who always had a solution and a smart, helpful answer, and someone both he and Stevie could trust blindly.

“Nat?”, Bucky asked, very silently as to not wake his baby boy, not seeing the need to talk any louder than that anyway as he could make out from her breathing that she wasn’t asleep.

“James.”, the answer came a second later, delivered by a warm, calm voice.

“How are you feeling?”, Bucky asked, not just to ‘break the ice’, but because he was genuinely interested, and also a bit worried. Today had been a lot to take for all of them.

“Tired, a bit, the day was really… something.”, Nat answered with a huffed laugh. “But I’m doing fine, pretty good, in fact. Thank you, again, for taking me in and everything else.”

“You don’t have to thank us, Nat, of course we took you in. If anyone has to thank anyone, it should be me thanking you for being so… understanding, of everything you’ve seen and heard here today. I guess that it really is a lot to process at first, and I hope that we, you know, didn’t… freak you out or something?”

Even though he couldn’t see her face, Bucky knew that Nat was smiling when she answered.

“You didn’t, not at all. Actually, it was quite… nice, in a way. It’s good to see Steve being so relaxed and soft as he is when he is around you. I know that he was terribly scared to have me seeing him like this, but as soon as you were by his side, it got better. You’re being amazing with him, you really are.”

Bucky couldn’t help but blush a bit at her words, and automatically tightened the grip he had around Stevie’s middle, pulling them closer together as if his body wanted to emphasize what Natasha said.

“You know, I don’t really know where all of this is coming from, it just-, it just feels right, in a way. To treat him like that, I mean. It helps him cope with everything that happened, it helps him come down and shut up the bad thoughts when he’s having a non-good day. And it helps me, too. I love taking care of him, always have. And he’s making it so easy for me to feel needed and as if I am doing something good here. I know that it’s probably really weird and maybe even a bit perverted, but-“

“Stop saying that, James. This has nothing to do with being perverts. If this is something that helps both of you, and everything is happening with consent, then I don’t see any harm in it.”

“So… this is not creeping you out?”

“No. I mean, yeah, it sure is something I, personally, need to get used to at first, but creeping me out… definitely not. In fact, it’s making me glad to see that you two seem to have found something that satisfies your needs… in whatever way.”

Again, he didn’t need to see her face to know that there was a smirk to be found there at her last words, because she just couldn’t help herself when it came to things like that.

Bucky chuckled. “Satisfying our needs, right. I really don’t want to know what kind of a picture you’re currently having inside your head.”

At that, Nat scoffed. “I didn’t have any picture, but, thanks to you, I do now!”

They were silent for a moment, and Bucky felt heat washing over his face. He hasn’t expected their talk to go into this direction so quickly, but he had promised himself to answer all her questions as honestly as he could without making himself or Stevie feel too uncomfortable or exposed.

He wasn’t surprised by Nat’s next question, since it was something he would’ve thought of as well if he were her, and also because he _knew_ her and her amazing, curious mind.

“So… is this, you know, it this something sexual?”

Even though he had already expected something like that, it still took Bucky a moment to sort his thoughts to give her a good-enough answer without having to give away his and Steve’s privacy completely.

“Sometimes it is, and sometimes not. Most of the time, it’s not about sex, but about… offering safety, and protection, and taking away a part of the responsibility and stress from Stevie. You know about both our struggles, and there were days when it was barely manageable for him to go on, and… since we started this, it got better. Those days rarely ever happen now, and even when they do, I now know a way to make him feel better, by simply… being there for him, and taking away some of his burden. And it’s also not like it would make me feel worse in return, not at all. Actually, it’s helping me, too. It nice to know that you are needed and important to someone, and that you can still help someone you love, even after all the… terrible things you have done to others, and yourself.” Once Bucky has started, he wasn’t able to stop himself. There was something terribly relieving about letting it all out like that.

“You know, when Stevie-, Steve gets like that… he is so innocent, Nat. So sweet and depending and… he is making me feel things I thought I was never able to feel again. Everything good and kind and soft in my life has disappeared when Hydra caught me, and for almost a decade I was sure that those things would never return to me, ever, again. And now… Now they did. Now I have this wonderful person to care for, to make me relearn all the things I have seemed to have lost over the years. Patience, softness, even simply enjoying the tiniest things that have started to become insignificant with time. And it’s not like Steve hadn’t been making me happy enough before we started this whole, you know, age play thing or whatever you wanna call it, but this… this is something different, something more. Like a bonus package to an already fulfilling, loving, happy relationship, if that makes any sense.”

“It does.”

“Good.”, Bucky said with a small smile. He was still turned towards Stevie, and watched him sleep. He looked so beautiful like that, so relaxed and sorrow-free. Bucky wished he could always make him feel like that. “So, that’s what it’s mostly about, for him and me. It’s just a way of coping, at helping each other to get along with everything that has happened, and even if it could be hard to believe… it actually does. Help, I mean. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it has helped so far. But, to come back to your actual question… sometimes it is sexual, yeah. But I need you to know, that, even though Steve is basically behaving like a child when he’s in this headspace, this has _nothing_ to do with pedophilia or something, I swear to God, we would never even think ab-“

“Shhh, I know, it’s alright. I wasn’t thinking anything like that, at all. I know that neither you or Steve would ever go into that direction. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be lying in a pillow fort with you two, I can promise you that.”

Bucky took a deep breath at that. It was nice to hear that reassurance, as this particular thought had already tortured him more than just once before. Logically, he knew that what he and Stevie were doing had nothing to do with being into children, and that the actual sexual aspect of it was mostly tied to the diapers and the deep connection between the two of them, and yet… Sometimes, those thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone, and he would get scared, lying awake at night thinking about whether or not they were doing something forbidden, something so terrible he couldn’t even speak it out loudly. So yeah, it was more than just a bit nice to hear that Natasha didn’t think of them as some sick, perverted weirdos.

Only depressed, slightly unconventional weirdos, maybe.

“Same with the Daddy-thing, you know? It has nothing to do with any incest-y fantasies or whatever, but again with the idea of having someone who protects you and takes care of you and makes sure that you are safe and well. Believe me, Steve doesn’t think of fucking his father when he calls me that.”, Bucky continued, whereupon Nat laughed, trying her best to keep quiet.

“God, that would be really a bit…”

“Yeah.”, Bucky finished her thought with a chuckle.

“So…”, Nat continued after a moment. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, and it’s perfectly okay if you don’t answer, although I feel like that would still be some kind of answer, but… maybe I saw it wrong, but… are you and Steve wearing… _protection_?”

“So obvious, huh?”, Bucky asked with a wince, his eyes squeezed shut as a wave of embarrassment washed over him. He knew that it had been a small one, but he really had have hope that Nat would miss this funny little detail. Of course, being the person that she was, she didn’t.

“Only if you know what to look for.”, she answered, and it was clear from her tone that she was affected by that topic as well, although Bucky doubted that her face was fiery red like his, too.

“So, you admit to staring at our butts? Shame on you, Nat.”, Bucky remarked, causing her to laugh again. “That one’s actually on me, though. After my last cryo, my body… had some problems adjusting to being warm, alive and mobile again, and that included having some issued with, you know, _holding it_. And at first, it was terrible, but with time I got used to it, and then a car drive with a traffic jam happened, and the, um, the diapers proved themselves to be quite useful, and since then Steve has noticed their convenience, too, and- you know, it kinda just evolved from there on.”

“Well, that sounds kind of sexual to me, now. Or kinky, at least.”, Nat remarked, bluntly.

“Oh wow, we’re really having an honesty hour right now, don’t we? You can be damn sure that the next in line to talk about their hidden likings and kinks will be you, Ma’am. But yeah, sometimes that aspect is sexual, too, although right now for example, it isn’t. I put it on today so that Steve wouldn’t feel as bad about having to wear his.”

“So, does he actually need them, when he’s… little?”

Bucky nodded, even though he wasn’t sure if she was even looking at him. His boy was still deeply asleep in his arms, and breathed evenly through his nose. “Without going into depth here because it’s about him and I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, he kinda does, although I think that’s a purely mental thing, nothing physical.”

Nat hummed in return. “I get it, though. Why one might like to wear them, especially with the background of searching for safety and protection and everything. So, don’t worry, no judgement here.”, she said, then.

“Thank you, Nat, really. I didn’t think I would need it, but it was actually really relieving to talk about it like this for once, and not just looking for answers and assurance in some online forum. And also, just… thank you for being so understanding. I really appreciate it. And I know, Steve does, too.”

Nat’s voice was soft and warm when she answered. “Of course, James. I can see that this is something that helps you both, and all I really want is that Steve and you are as happy and safe as you could be. After everything you two have been through, you deserve this so much, no matter which way it works for you.”

“You deserve that, too, you know? To feel happy and safe. Ty khoroshiy chelovek, Natalya.”, Bucky said, silently, and maybe he had only imagined it, but he thought that he had heard Natasha swallow thickly.

“I don’t know if I’m a good person. But I’m trying.”, she said, and the sadness and doubt she suddenly must have been feeling in that second was showing very openly in her voice. It was rare and unusual to see Nat as open as that, and therefor that much more precious, and a great proof of her trust to Bucky. He was just about to continue on that lane, when Natasha interrupted his plans. “But let’s not get too sentimental now, James.”, she said with a huff at the end, signalling that their deep honesty hour was over for now.

“Let’s just close our eyes for a while. I’m starting to get really, really sleepy.”, she ended, and Bucky knew that it wouldn’t get him anywhere to try and keep up their conversation, so he followed her example and closed his eyes as well, holding his baby boy close and leaning their foreheads together as their breaths mixed in between their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!  
> As always, I would love to hear your opinion, your thoughts, your ideas... anything, really!:))  
> Next weekend i will be on vacation, so i probably won't get the chance to write and post something then, but i'll try to do so as soon as i come back.
> 
> Also, i want to take a second to say thank you again to all the lovely people who shared their ideas with me, inspired and supported me also to those who have donated to me on [BuyMeACoffee](http://www.buymeacoffee.com/catchfeels), i appreciate it so, so much guys! You are the best <3


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hail mother mary in heaven, i finally managed to finish this damn chapter and i honestly can't even tell you what took me so long, as the chapter itself is rather short.  
> some wetting and slight sexual content in this one followed by Stevie crying... enjoy!

Bucky awoke from his light slumber due to the shuffling of a very warm, very close body next to him.

It took him a moment to remember where he was, after he opened his eyes and stared up at the calming glow of the fairy lights above his face.

Once the events of the day sorted in his mind though, Bucky couldn’t help but smile a bit; he was sleeping in a blanket fort, with the love of his life in his arms and one of their best friends right next to him.

It appeared unreal to him, in a way, as if so much softness and _happiness_ as he was feeling in that second couldn’t possibly be real. At least, not for him.

But then, his boy turned his head towards him in his sleep, and his warm breath hit the side of Bucky’s neck, causing goose bumps to rise on his skin, and he realized; this was real, this was happening.

And it felt so good.

With a silent sigh, Bucky wrapped his arms tighter around Stevie, pulling him as close as possible, lips touching the top of his baby’s head as he let one thigh slide in between Stevie’s, holding him close with an arm around his hip.

Stevie’s hair smelled fresh and yet homey, a smell so familiar to Bucky, yet indescribable. He inhaled it deeply, unbothered by the slight tickling of the short, thin hairs against his nose.

Stevie squirmed around a bit again, shuffling closer to his Daddy, curling one leg over his hip while both arms were around Bucky’s middle, which kind of made him look like a baby monkey clinging to his mother for dear life. 

Of course, Bucky always loved Steve, but it was in moments like this when it really hit him just how much he did.

He loved this man with all his life, loved everything about him, even the sides of him that might be considered less loveable by others. So, it truly didn’t matter to him, whether his partner was behaving like an adult, or a child. It didn’t matter because to Bucky, this wasn’t a burden or an inconvenience; it was just another side to this very beautiful person that he was yet to discover fully, and one more side for him to love as dearly as all the others.

Therefor, it also didn’t matter to him when Bucky felt his thigh getting warmer where it was resting against his baby’s diapered crotch, as he was wetting himself in his sleep, moving around to press himself even closer to his Daddy than he already was, muscles relaxing fully when Bucky started stroking over his back softly.

Stevie relieved himself slowly, almost as if his bladder was asleep as well, and it took him nearly a full minute until he stopped going, and the diaper had grown heavy and hot against Bucky’s leg in the process. When Stevie squirmed his hips anew, causing the material to squish slightly around his own groin and his Daddy’s limb, and then repeated that movement a few seconds later, Bucky didn’t hesitate to push his leg up further, only guessing what his baby needed but always ready to give it to him.

Bucky knew that what they were doing was considered a taboo, something dirty and perverted, but how could it be when there was barely anything more beautiful and innocent and _lovely_ than the sleeping angel in his arms, feeling comfortable enough around Bucky to let himself go so completely, to show him every side there is to him, even the one he had the most trouble to accept?

To Bucky, nothing about what they were doing felt dirty or despicable. It helped Steve, and it helped him too, and how could that be so wrong?

If falling into headspace every now and then, drinking from a sippy cup and using a diaper was helping someone to bear a life that seemed pretty unbearable at times, then how could it be forbidden or creepy?

Sure, Bucky was well aware that what they were doing was rather unusual, and something the majority of people couldn’t relate to, but only because something was seldom, doesn’t mean it was something bad.

Bucky was glad that they had found this thing for themselves; he was glad that Stevie now had a way to deal with his grief and his depression in a non-self-destructive way, but rather by becoming the softest and loveliest human being Bucky has ever laid his eyes on. He was glad that his partner trusted him enough to let him not only see him this way, but also interact with him when he was like this, letting him take care of him in whichever necessary way when he was most vulnerable and defenceless. He was glad that he was allowed to love Steve, in every way, and that he was loved in return.

So, when Stevie rolled his hips again as his need for relief had apparently shifted to something different after wetting himself, Bucky was glad to be of help, as he slowly started rubbing his thigh along his boy’s crotch, providing him some friction as he met every lazy buck of Stevie’s hips with his own.

His own cock twitched with interest, but Bucky didn’t intend to act upon it.

His baby was asleep, and despite rubbing himself against his Daddy’s body, he couldn’t consent. Technically, Bucky knew that Stevie would most likely not have a problem with him engaging in this sexual act, but then again, he doubted that Stevie was even aware of his own needs, not while he was not conscious.

So, supporting his little angel in finding relief was something Bucky could do, but using the situation to take care of his own building arousal was something he wasn’t comfortable with.

And it didn’t bother him. It was almost nice, in a teasing kind of way, to feel his penis thicken in his own, unused mental-support-for-his-baby-boy-diaper, and not do anything about it.

Instead, Bucky focused on his Stevie, who was by now writhing around next to him, rutting his wet groin onto his Daddy’s leg as his breathing started to become heavier.

Bucky prayed to whichever God that was listening, that Nat wasn’t awake next to them, that she would just sleep through it, because he a) wanted to spare Stevie from the embarrassment of Natasha witnessing him masturbating, whether he was awake or not during it and b) didn’t want to make Nat uncomfortable by having her stuck in a situation where the people next to her were engaging in a sexual act, knowing even in his sleepy, love-sick state that this was something that wasn’t okay.

Logically, it wasn’t really okay with her being asleep next to them either, but he also didn’t have the heart to wake his boy up and forbid him to satisfy himself.

After all, Stevie was not conscious about what he was doing either, his body probably only following some primitive need or his mind following a pleasant dream, but without any control about it. And as long as he was keeping it to himself and Bucky, who wasn’t bothered by it…

Bucky’s train of thought got interrupted by a pair of lips connecting with his neck, almost unnoticeably suckling on the skin there as Stevie kept on rolling his hips in a lazy rhythm, riding Bucky’s thigh.

A shiver ran through him as Bucky chuckled inaudibly and moved his head around to provide his little angel better access, which he immediately used, pressing his whole face into his Daddy’s skin.

His breath was hot, and Bucky could feel and hear every hitch in it whenever Stevie made an especially hard thrust.

Wanting to support his boy further, Bucky let his right arm travel down further, over Stevie’s hip and his padded butt, until he reached the back of his thigh and pulled it up a bit higher, causing his baby’s legs to open further and giving him a new angle to grind against his own.

As if on cue, Stevie’s thrusts sped up, and Bucky could feel his hands tightening their grip where he had them buried in the material of Bucky’s shirt. The breathing against his throat was beginning to come even harder, and with his free hand, Bucky cupped the back of his boy’s neck, holding him close while at the same time rubbing soothing circles into the heated skin with his cool metal thumb.

“Mhmmm.”, Stevie hummed with closed lips, a sound so quiet and tiny that it might as well have been an imagination, but the wave of arousal that rolled through Bucky’s body at his baby’s noise was definitely real.

His own cock was rock hard by now, trapped in his diaper and lightly rubbing against the fabric of it, and despite having no stimulation otherwise, Bucky could feel how the material where his tip was resting against was turning a bit damp with pre-cum.

He didn’t know why this was turning him on so badly, but god, it did.

His fingers itched to just sink in underneath his waistband and take himself in hand, but no, he wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t take advantage of Stevie’s unconscious state like that.

Next to him, his baby’s face had turned red with exertion, and then and now a small whimper escaped his throat, making him sound desperate and oh so eager to finally orgasm.

With slight worry, Bucky quickly looked over his shoulder, and found Nat with her back to them, breathing evenly and slowly. That was a good sign, Bucky thought, although he couldn’t be sure whether their friend really was sleeping or if she only wanted them to think that she was.

Bucky really, really hoped for the first.

“Daddy.”, a small voice whispered next to him, and Bucky was quick to turn his head back again, finding his baby’s eyes, open wide and looking overwhelmed.

Stevie’s hips were still bucking against Bucky’s thigh, and his bottom lip quivered as if he wanted to say something else, but Stevie never got that far. Not even a second later his whole body shivered, his eyes fluttered shut again, and a sound close to a helpless whimper escaped Stevie’s throat, as Bucky felt the soft jerks of his diaper-clad erection against his leg as his little boy ejaculated into the padding.

After a moment, Stevie’s body went slack against him again, and Bucky could hear his baby panting heavily, and almost somewhat panicked. When Stevie moved to hide his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, his Daddy was quick to embrace him with both arms, holding him tight and murmuring into his hair that it was okay, that nothing bad had happened.

Despite his efforts, a strangled sob was to be heard in the otherwise silent space, and Bucky immediately felt terrible for letting things go that far.

Of course, he only had the best in mind when he let his baby chase his pleasure like that, and didn’t want to interrupt him because he wouldn’t want to take it away from him, but looking at it now, he should’ve known how confusing and overwhelming it would be for Stevie once he woke up, even more so since he practically woke up mid-orgasm. 

“Shh, baby boy, everything’s okay. Daddy’s really sorry, Daddy should have woken you up.”, Bucky whispered with his lips pressed to Stevie’s hair, who answered with a whimper. “I know that was a bit scary right now, wasn’t it, little angel? But nothing bad happened, I promise, you’re good, everything’s fine.”

His own erection long lost and forgotten, Bucky moved his legs to intertwine them with Stevie’s even more, turning them into a mess of limbs. Carefully, his hand stroked up and down his baby’s back, guilt rushing through his body with every shaky breath Stevie took, making his ribcage vibrate against Bucky’s palm.

Behind him, Bucky could hear Nat slightly moving around, suddenly reminding him of her presence. She was probably already awake, but even if she wasn’t yet, Bucky knew that she would be very soon. And for her finding him and Stevie like that would probably mean a lot of uncomfortable explaining, even without her asking, and Bucky could really do without that.

“Hey, honey.”, he murmured before kissing Stevie’s head. “How about Daddy takes you to the bedroom, and we can clean you up and talk about what happened? I know you’re really upset right now, but we really should talk about it.”

Stevie didn’t answer to that, although he also didn’t protest, and Bucky figured that right now, this was as good as it gets.

With gentle movements, he untangled their limbs again and slowly sat up, signalling Stevie, who looked at him with wet, red rimmed eyes and a running nose, to sit up as well.

Being the good boy that he always was, Stevie followed his Daddy’s instruction, and carefully moved to crawl over to the exit of their fort. Before he went through the hole, though, he looked over his shoulder to make sure that his Daddy would follow, and Bucky was quick to give him a reassuring smile before leaning forward to gently wrap his left hand around Stevie’s ankle, letting him know that he would be with him.

Just as Bucky was about to begin crawling after his boy, he heard Nat moving behind him again.

When Bucky looked back at her, he was met with her big, observant eyes, looking at him questioningly.

“We just have to take care of something.”, he mouthed at her, and a moment later a knowing smile spread on her lips, as she shrugged and laid her head back down, closing her eyes anew.

“Wake me up when something exciting’s happening, then.”, she said, and Bucky couldn’t help the huffed laugh that escaped him because honestly, that woman was a beautiful mystery to him.

From outside, he heard Stevie quietly saying “Daddy?”, and that took him back to his task of getting out of the fort. Bucky tore his eyes off Natasha and followed his boy into their living room, which, aside from the soft glow coming from inside their fort, had turned dark by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry for taking so long with this, i hope i'll be able to update a lot quicker next time!! you can probably tell that i just wanted to get done with this chapter in the end, and i'm sorry for that, too, i just didn't want to keep you waiting any longer for something so little.  
> thank you for your patience <3


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now i present to you... more crying, more snuggling, the real reason for Stevie's sorrow and a lot of love.

Taking his baby boy by his very warm, slightly shaking hand, Bucky slowly lead him into their bedroom, where he sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

Still holding his left hand with his own, Bucky raised his other arm to gently place it around Stevie’s back, pulling him close while softly letting his thumb wander over his boy’s side.

Stevie was still sniffling when he let his head fall sideward and onto his Daddy’s shoulder, causing his spine to bend in an uncomfortable way, but not uncomfortable enough to make him change positions. Being close to Daddy was more important than being comfortable.

Softly, Bucky bent his head, too, and made his cheek rest on top of Stevie’s head, the short hairs tickling his skin slightly. He tightened the grip around his little angel and they sat like that for a little while, waiting for Stevie’s breathing to even out a bit more, and for his sniffling to come less frequent.

“Daddy’s really sorry, sweetheart.”, Bucky eventually said. “I should’ve woken you up, I should’ve known that the situation would become too much for you.”

He waited for Stevie to say something, but nothing came. Instead, Bucky could feel his boy snuggling even closer to him. Pain stung in his chest. “I didn’t want to interrupt you, because you looked like you were feeling really good, you know? I didn’t think far enough ahead, as I should have, and I’m very sorry for that. Please, darling, say something. Can you tell Daddy what exactly has upset you like that?”

Stevie shrugged lightly, and it didn’t seem like he was going to answer, but Bucky knew his boy, and so he waited. After a few seconds, Stevie eventually spoke, although his voice was very quiet and he sounded like he wanted to hide somewhere and never come back out again. “’m not sad about that, Daddy. ‘m sad because I was being a bad boy.”. Stevie sniffled again, and Bucky could feel his breathing speed up again.

“What do you mean, you’ve been a bad boy?”, he asked, honestly confused.

At that, Stevie began to sob again, and Bucky winced in sympathy as he pulled him even closer, tightening the hold he had on the other’s hand. “You don’t have to cry, baby boy, everything is okay. Daddy’s got you, everything’s fine.”

“N-no, it’s not!”, Steve wailed, his voice breaking. “Good boys don’t make cummies without Daddy saying it’s okay.”, he said, before sobbing again, and Bucky could pretty much feel his chest tightening with the realization that came with his baby’s words.

“Honey, what… no. No. Hey, look at me.”, he said hastily, quick to bring his finger underneath his baby’s chin to make him look at him, seeing as tears were leaking from Stevie’s eyes. “You don’t need my permission to make cummies, you never have and never will! Sweetheart, did I ever tell you that you wouldn’t be allowed to have an orgasm unless I allow it?”, Bucky asked, and he couldn’t quite keep the edge of panic out of his voice at the thought of what might be.

Stevie shook his head, almost unnoticeably, and another wave of tears rolled down his heated cheeks. “No, Daddy, you haven’t.”, he mumbled, and Bucky frowned.

“But why were you thinking that, then?”. When Stevie didn’t answer, Bucky ducked his head to find his baby’s eyes again, and waited for him with a feigned kind of patience, because he wanted to be calm and collected but really, he was barely able to contain himself with all the sorrow that was spreading inside of him. He had never wanted things to go this way, where did he go so wrong? What did he do to make his little angel think that he wasn’t allowed to feel pleasure unless he told him that he could? This was bad, this was really, really-

“The internet says good boys wait for Daddy’s permission.”, Stevie eventually mumbled, and for a second everything in Bucky came to a stop, before an unfamiliar mixture of both relief and anger started to spread through his chest. Bucky took a deep breath, before moving slightly so he could cup his boy’s face with both hands, bringing their foreheads together.

“Sweetheart. Listen to me. The internet it a very big, very strange place. Everyone is allowed to share their opinion and their experiences there, and that’s good, but it can also be really dangerous. You have to be careful with what you look at, and what you believe. You’ve been on some kind of forum for people doing stuff like we do, right?”, he asked, and Steve nodded hesitantly, whereupon Bucky leaned forward to press a soft kiss to his wet cheek. “You’re not in any trouble, baby, I promise. You’re allowed to use the internet. I just need to know what you were looking at, okay? See, this kind of websites can be really helpful. They helped me, a lot, when we first started our little play, and they helped me figuring out what I need to do to be a good Daddy for my little darling. But everyone is playing it a bit different, you know? There might be people who do things very similar to you and me, but others are doing things we never have. Do you understand that?”

Stevie nodded anew, and Bucky leaned backwards so he could properly look at him again. He kept his hands around the other’s face, who looked up at him somewhat warily, somewhat curious. Stevie’s blue eyes were big, and expectant and god, Bucky loved him so much.

“You’ve probably read that some little boys or girls are asking their Daddies and Mommies for permission when they want to make cummies, huh?”, Bucky asked and despite Stevie’s cheeks already being red, they managed to turn even darker. Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the adorable sight, even though the sound came out rather shaky. He really tried his best to calm down, but it was hard. “It’s okay, darling, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. You’re allowed to be curious. But you also have to be careful when you’re exploring, you know? Just because others do it, doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do it. And just because a lot of people seem to agree with it, doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing for everyone. See, I never would’ve expected you to forbid yourself to feel good unless you ask me first, because to me, that’s a basic right that you have, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from you, especially not without having a full conversation about it while you’re big. I got really scared right now, when you told me you were being a bad boy because you made cummies, because I worried that I might’ve forbidden something accidentally without properly talking about it with you first.”

At that, Stevie swallow thickly and wanted to move his head downward in shame, but Bucky didn’t let him, not wanting his boy to hide from him even though he knew that he was uncomfortable. They had to talk about this, with Steve in littlespace or not. This couldn’t wait.

“I’m sorry, Daddy, I didn’t want to scare you.”, Stevie eventually said, and Bucky shook his head, smiling despite the pain in his chest as he began caressing his boy’s skin with his thumbs.

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to. I was just really worried right here, for a second. So, tell me sweetheart, did what you read on that forum made you feel as if you always have to ask Daddy for permission when we are having sex or when you want to make yourself feel good?”

His little angel nodded anew. “I thought those were the rules for playing.”, he said, almost inaudible.

“Oh, honey.”, Bucky sighed and kissed Stevie’s forehead, who immediately leaned into the touch in a search for comfort. “That explains a lot, though. I was already wondering why you were always waiting for me to tell you you’re allowed to finish.”

Now, Stevie looked at him in confusion. “Finish… what?”, he asked, frowning, and Bucky really had to put effort into not laughing because his boy was looking so adorably clueless.

“’Finish’ as in making cummies, sweetheart.”, he explained, reminding himself that Stevie didn’t have the same vocabulary as big Steve does.

“Oh.”, Stevie said, before blushing even more. “But yeah… I didn’t want to be a bad boy, Daddy.”

“You could never be a bad boy, sweetheart, not even if you tried and especially not for something like that. You will always be Daddy’s good little boy, because you _are_ good, and Daddy will always love you, no matter what. Do you believe me?”

Bucky didn’t even notice that he had held his breath in between his question and the second when Stevie eventually smiled his adorable, shy smile, eyes shining at his Daddy’s declaration, but he felt like a weight was lifted off him at Stevie’s reaction. “I love you, too, Daddy.”, his boy chirped, suddenly looking a lot more relaxed again, although there were still traces of wetness both in his eyes and on his face.

Slowly and very softly, Bucky leaned forward and pressed his lips to Stevie’s, who immediately leaned into the touch, already opening his mouth to let his Daddy in further, but that’s not what Bucky had planned, and with a slight smile on his own face, he carefully parted from his boy again.

Gently, he stroked his right hand’s fingers through Stevie’s hair, relishing in the way his baby shivered at the touch. After a few seconds, he rested his palm on the other’s shoulder while his left hand was still cupping Stevie’s face, and turned earnest again. This talk wasn’t over yet, no matter how much they both wanted it to be.

“Daddy would never forbid you to feel good. No matter if we’re doing it together or you’re doing it alone, you don’t have to ask for my permission, ever. If you want to make cummies, you’re always allowed to. Unless this is something you want from Daddy, to take control over that, but then you have to let me know about that, okay? I’m not a mind reader, sadly, and you need to talk to me about the things that you want and the things that you don’t want. Can you do that, the next time something like that comes up, baby boy?”

Again looking somewhat ashamed and guilty, Stevie chewed on his bottom lip but nodded, eyes avoiding meeting his Daddy’s. Bucky sighed and leaned forward to kiss the tip of Stevie’s nose, tickling him by barely letting his lips touch his skin, until his baby couldn’t help but giggle. “Now stop sulking, Mr. Pout-Mouth, I’m not angry with you.”, Bucky chuckled, before kissing his nose anew. Gently, he let his forehead meet Stevie’s again. “Maybe when you’re big again, we should sit down and talk about the internet and rules for it for when you’re little, huh? But not now. Now I want you to tell Daddy what he can do to make you a happy little boy again.”

“Can we cuddle, please?”, Stevie asked, sounding shy but eager.

Bucky smiled. “Nothing I’d rather do. Do you want Daddy to change you first, darling?”

If Stevie’s blush turned even darker as he shook his head and moved to lay down on his back in answer, Bucky pretended to haven’t seen it. Instead, he followed his boy’s example, and eventually found himself on his back, with his left arm curled around his baby’s shoulders while his other hand had its fingers intertwined with Stevie’s on his stomach. His boy snuggled up as close as he could, and it wasn’t long before Stevie stopped holding his Daddy’s hand and instead let his arm embrace his middle, his fingertips dancing softly over Bucky’s ribcage where he kept toying with the fabric of his shirt, absentmindedly, or so Bucky thought.

But then, he felt Stevie’s head pressing in closer on his chest, and his fingers became more purposeful as they grasped the fabric, seeming almost urgent to move the material.

“Do you want Daddy to undress, baby?”, Bucky asked, only able to guess what his little boy might need.

Eagerly, Stevie nodded, and it only took a short moment for Bucky to understand what the matter was after he had pulled the cloth over his head to reveal his bare chest underneath, when Stevie’s mouth wandered downwards while his eyes were closed, tongue peeking out and slightly dampening Bucky’s chest where his mouth was exploring, searching his body until Stevie eventually found what he desired, and closed his lips around Bucky’s left nipple.

A jolt of arousal shot through Bucky at the sensation, but he was able to quickly will it away, knowing well enough that this wasn’t what this was about.

Instead, he moved his left hand to rest against the back of Stevie’s hair, gripping his hair softly as his boy began to suck on his nipple, occasionally letting his tongue play with the sensitive bud while humming almost inaudibly in contentment.

It was fascinating, in a way, to see how little of the nursing it took for Stevie’s breathing to calm down and his muscles to relax completely, practically making his little boy melt against his frame.

Stevie’s suckling was rhythmical, mostly, although Bucky could feel him swirling his tongue around his nipple in a playful manner then and now, and even though it took him a few moments, he was eventually able to keep any arousal he might have had in the beginning out of what they were doing, and instead concentrated on the way this was terribly relaxing for him, too.

Closing his eyes, Bucky let his head fall down completely onto his pillow, and allowed himself to enjoy this and lose the last bit of tension that was left in his cells from their talk a few minutes ago.

He had never thought that he and Steve would have a relationship in which they would resort to feigned nursing as a therapeutic measure, and yet here he was, and despite not exactly knowing how they ended up here, he couldn’t help but love every second of it.

They stayed like that for quite a while, then Stevie let himself roll over Bucky’s front like an oversized cat without any regard for its human’s inner organ’s wellbeing before resuming what he was doing on Bucky’s other nipple, until that one was slightly swollen and pulsing from the penetration, too. It was only when Stevie’s mouth began to get really _demanding_ that Bucky gently stroked his hair from forehead to back in order to make his boy look up at him.

Stevie did, with big, trusting eyes, lips puffy and reddish from his suckling, and Bucky smiled at him softly while still petting his hair. “Would you like Daddy to make you a nice, warm bottle of milk, darling?”, Bucky then asked with a raspy voice, heart clenching with adoration at the way Stevie’s eyes lit up while he nodded eagerly.

Followed with a big kiss to his forehead, Bucky helped Stevie get comfortable on the bed, before he made his way to the kitchen.

He had already almost (well, completely) forgotten that they weren’t alone in their apartment, so the light and the silent noise coming from the TV in the living room startled him when he stepped into the otherwise dark floor, but then he remembered that Nat was still there, and he exhaled shakily.

When he stepped through the door to the living room and the kitchen, he found their friend on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees and head turned towards him, a soft smile playing around her lips as she raised her eyebrows expectantly. “Все в порядке?”, she asked in her calm voice, and Bucky nodded and smiled, his naked skin prickling a bit at her scanning glance, knowing that her gaze was caught momentarily on his swollen nipples.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. How about you?”

Nat shrugged with one shoulder. “I’m warm, I’m safe, I’m with my friends. What else could I ask for?”, she said, and even though Bucky could tell that she was trying to make it sound light and easy, he knew just how much meaning there was behind her words.

Not forgetting about his boy waiting for him back in their bedroom, Bucky still walked over to where Nat was sitting and sat down next to her, hesitating for a second before leaning towards her to kiss her temple.

He felt Nat’s smile widen at that, and maybe, only maybe, she even leaned a bit into the soft touch of his lips.

“You’re always welcome here, Natalya.”, Bucky declared after taking his mouth off her again, and Nat looked into his eyes, suddenly looking very fragile and almost vulnerable.

“Thank you, James. This really means a lot to me.”

Bucky smiled at her again and placed his suddenly huge seeming palm on her small back, feeling how Nat leaned backwards, just a tiny bit but enough for him to feel it.

“It’s getting late, and we’re pretty tired.”, Bucky eventually said after a few moments of silence. “Is there anything you need before we go to bed?”

Nat shook her head at that. “Thank you, I think I can help myself if anything comes up, but for now, I’m good. You just go and have a good night with your boy.”, she added, and even though Bucky had almost expected it, there was no hint of teasing in her voice at those words.

“I will. I’m just gonna go and warm up some milk for him, and then the room is all yours.”, he said honestly, seeing no reason to cover up what he was about to do. “Let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

Nat nodded and promised to do so, and Bucky pulled her close to him for a second before eventually letting go of her again and moving over to the kitchen, closing the door behind him in order to not disturb his friend with any noise that he might make.

When he stepped out of the kitchen a few minutes later, the TV was turned off, and even though it was pitch black in the room, Bucky could make out the shape of Natasha’s body underneath one of the blankets from the fort, her head on the side rest of the couch and her breathing slow and even, and he knew that she wasn’t asleep, so he wished her a goodnight, chuckling silently at the sleepy hum that he got in return.

Back in their own room, Bucky laid down next to his boy, who was quick to cuddle up to his side again.

Stevie was now laying on his back, his neck and head supported by Bucky’s arm while his Daddy leaned over him, carefully leading the bottle to his baby’s lips, who immediately began to suck greedily on it as soon as he closed them around it.

“Slow, honey, slow, Daddy doesn’t want you to choke.”, Bucky said with a fond smile, and even though rather reluctantly, Stevie eventually complied and slowed down his suckling.

It was only a few minutes until Bucky could feel his little boy going slack next to him, and it seemed like Stevie was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

“Is my baby tired?”, Bucky asked in a low voice, laughing silently when Stevie shook his head ‘no’, determined to show his Daddy that he was very well awake indeed by reinforcing his sucking.

That increase of energy only lasted for a short time, though, and before long, his little angel went all limp and sleepy on Bucky again. Although he was still suckling lightly on the bottle, Bucky could tell that Stevie wasn’t really drinking anything anymore and only kept the teat in his mouth still because he enjoyed playing with it. Not wanting to take it away just yet, Bucky simply kept the bottle where it was, smiling down at this adorable little boy that he was allowed to call his own, watching as he desperately tried to fight against the increasing need to give in and fall asleep.

When Stevie’s eyes were more often closed than opened, Bucky could hear a faint hissing sound from underneath their blanket, realizing that his boy was wetting his diaper again.

Stevie didn’t even seem to notice, though, as his muscles didn’t even give a twitch, and he just stared up at his Daddy with tired eyes while relieving his bladder into his already used diaper.

There hadn’t been a lot in his boy’s bladder, apparently, and after a few seconds, Stevie finished going.

“I’d say we forget about brushing our teeth and cleaning our faces tonight, love, but I need to change you before we go to sleep, okay?”, Bucky asked in silent voice, and even though he could tell that Stevie wasn’t really able to pay attention anymore, he nodded, and eventually took his lips from the rubber teat on his own accord.

The time it took Bucky to go to the bathroom in order to gather up all the stuff he’d need to change his little angel, Stevie fell asleep in their bed, still wearing his day clothes while the lamp was shining brightly above him.

Bucky chuckled softly as he let his hand run through Stevie’s hair and the other man didn’t even stir, and he made quick business of stripping his boy from his clothes, changing his diaper as careful as he could, even though it proved itself to be rather difficult without having any support from his baby when it came to lifting his legs and butt.

Despite that, Stevie didn’t wake up, not even when Bucky lifted his hips to clumsily manoeuvre the clean diaper underneath him. Then, Bucky applied some powder because he knew that Stevie liked the feeling and the smell of it, as it comforted and calmed him in a way he couldn’t describe when he told his Daddy about it, made sure to have Stevie’s penis point downwards to avoid leakage during the night, closed the diaper’s tapes and undressed his boy from his shirt, knowing that Stevie always ran hot while sleeping, all without his boy doing as much as grunting at all the moving and shuffling around.

When Bucky eventually fell down onto the mattress next to his sleeping angel and wrapped his arms around him from behind, he was positively exhausted as well, and it barely took him a few minutes until he followed his little boy into the land of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's either two chapters in two days or none in 4 weeks when it comes to me, there's literally no in-between and i'm sorry. Thank you so much for keeping up with me and my messy schedule! <3
> 
> As always, i'm very happy to hear about your thoughts and critique!


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in the mood for angst, so angst we all get. Get ready for some sweet, old pain :)  
> trigger warning for nightmares where limbs get lost (I'm sure there's a word for that but i don't know it and i'm too tired to look it up)

Steve awoke with a pounding heart, and he was breathing heavily. He couldn’t remember what he was dreaming, if he had been dreaming anything at all, but when he woke up, he felt like something was wrong.

The alarm clock on his side table told him that it was 4.27 a.m., meaning that he had slept a few hours. It was early, but not so early for him to feel unnatural. Next to him, Bucky was laying on his back, breathing evenly and looking relaxed, and Steve could feel his metal fingers pressing lightly against his thigh. He also felt that he was wearing a diaper, which was probably due to him having been in headspace last night, which wasn’t all that unusual either, but-

Natasha.

Despite himself, a shiver ran through Steve’s body, and suddenly his chest felt terribly tight.

Natasha was here. Natasha knew. Natasha knew because Steve hadn’t been in control, and Bucky had let her see.

Without further thinking about it, Steve shot to his feet and strode over to the bathroom, where he knew a pair of sweatpants was hanging over the heater. His abrupt movement startled Bucky in his sleep, and Steve could hear him squirming around a bit, but he didn’t find it in him to feel sorry or to care about it right now. He needed to get to Natasha and try to minimize the damage, and he had to do it _now_.

Quickly getting rid of his, thankfully, dry diaper, Steve dressed into the sweatpants and yesterday’s shirt which he found on the floor next to Bucky’s bedside, and made his way over to the living room.

Steve was aware that their guest was most likely sleeping, too, but this couldn’t wait.

When he opened the door to the living room, he could make out the shape of Natasha on the couch, and, unsurprisingly, what little noise he made was enough to wake her up. Despite the darkness in the room, he saw her shape sitting up on the couch, her head looking left and right both in sleepy confusion as well as trained assessment, and her shoulders fell down slightly when her eyes found Steve coming towards her, knowing that she didn’t have to fear anything from him.

“Natasha.”, Steve said as he reached the nearest corner of the couch, and he sounded breathless and rough, even to himself.

“Steve? Hey, are you okay?”, Nat asked in a soft tone, the sleepiness in her voice well audible even while her eyes appeared attentive and ready for anything.

“I’m sorry to wake you up, but we need to talk.”

Nat pulled her legs up to her chest to make room for Steve to sit, and even though he felt terribly restless and nervous, he accepted her offer and sat down, waiting for her to adjust herself so she was turned towards him, her eyes immediately falling to his hands which he was wringing between his knees.

“Steve, what happened, did you have-“

“It’s not the way it looked like!”, Steve blurted out, way louder than he had wanted to, and he couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice as he tried to explain everything to her. “This is just a stupid game Bucky and I are sometimes playing, it’s just for fun and we don’t do it all the time, I swear we are not sick, we are not into children or anything and it’s just a thing we’re doing for relaxation, we aren’t some perverted fucks, Nat, I really don’t know why we have shown all of this to you but please, you have to believe me, this isn’t something-“

_”Steve.”_ , Natasha interrupted him with a small hand squeezing his shoulder, looking at him sternly and also, or so it seemed, a bit worried. It was only then that Steve noticed that his heart was pounding fast enough to almost make him dizzy, and that the way his breath was coming couldn’t be considered healthy anymore. Before the serum, this would have been enough to make his Mom fear for his life.

“Steve, you need to calm down, okay? We can talk about this, but you look like you’re about to hyperventilate, and that’s not the best base for a conversation. Come on, take a deep breath.” Steve did as he was told. “Like that. And again.”, Nat continued, while gently stroking his upper arm in rhythm with his slowly calming breathing.

Once he had himself enough in control to feel like he wasn’t going to implode any second, Nat smiled at him encouragingly and squeezed the muscles on his arm. “See, that’s better. Now tell me, why have you been panicking like that?”

“Be-because you saw what Bucky and I were doing, and it’s sick, it must look sick to you, and-“

“It doesn’t.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up in honest surprise. “It doesn’t?”

“No. Believe me, in all my years in the Red Room and working for the KGB and SHIELD afterwards, I’ve seen a lot of sick things. Really, really sick things. This? Is nothing. I know that you aren’t hurting anyone and if this is something that you both enjoy or need or-“

“We don’t. I mean yes, we kinda do, but we don’t, you know… _need_ it.”, Steve mumbled, heat rising to his face.

“Steve.”, Nat said again, leaning forwards lightly so she could reach the back of his neck with her hand. “You know that I don’t judge.”

At that, Steve couldn’t help but snort humourlessly. “Yeah, Bucky keeps saying that, too, but how could you not? How could _anyone_ not judge after seeing what you’ve seen? God, I can’t believe you actually saw me like that. I can’t believe… Bucky _let you_.” Steve felt his heart getting heavy, and despite knowing better, he suddenly felt utterly betrayed.

Natasha must have felt the change in Steve’s mood as well, and she was quick to get her feet on the ground and sit next to him in the same position, her right hand still on his neck while her left one reached out to reach between his palms, stopping them from their constant, nervous wringing.

“It wasn’t like James has sent me an invite to watch the Stevie-show, you know that. He couldn’t have known that I was going to come over, and he tried to help me, and so did you. Look, I am really sorry for all of this. I’m not uncomfortable with what you guys are doing, but I am uncomfortable about having disturbed you like that, and I know that this is something people would most likely not want to share with someone else. But you need to keep in mind that James didn’t let me stay here because he wanted to expose you, but because I was in need of both your help. You know that, right?”

Steve shrugged. “I mean, yeah, logically I know that. It still doesn’t feel very good, though. How much did he even tell you?”. Steve couldn’t bring himself to look at her, too ashamed of himself, so he kept staring at his own naked feet, and fought back the urge to either panic again, or cry from the humiliation he was feeling.

“He… He only explained why you are doing this age play thing, and about how everything was consensual and had nothing to do with liking children or anything, and I believe him, just so that that’s right out of the way. He-“

“Wait, consensual? Does that mean you also talked about this being something…”

“Yeah?”, Nat answered, wincing a bit at the implication and the awareness of what that must mean for Steve.

True to her expectations, Steve groaned and pulled away from her grasp, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t believe he did this.”, he said, voice muffled by his palms. “Natasha, I’m so sorry that you had to see and hear all of that. This is terrible.”

“Hey, Steve, no.”, Natasha hurried to answer while now stroking his back with one hand, and softly squeezing his knee with the other. “There’s nothing to apologize for, really. Like I said, I’m not disgusted or weirded out or anything, believe me.”

Steve was quiet for some time, and Nat was almost expecting him to either stay that way, or leave. But then, he eventually spoke again, and his voice was barely audible. Nat could tell that he was fighting back his emotions, and her heart clenched in sympathy.

“I appreciate that, I really do. But that doesn’t change the fact that he has let you see it.”

Natasha wanted to answer. She wanted to say something to take away some of Steve’s pain and disappointment, but she couldn’t come up with anything helpful. Asking him if he’d rather have James send her away wasn’t fair. Telling him that she hasn’t seen all that much would have been a lie. She didn’t know what to do or say, so she settled for what came most naturally to her at the moment.

“He loves you very much, Steve. He never wanted to hurt you, or embarrass you.”

Steve only shrugged again, the balls of his hands pressed against his eyes. When he finally took them away, Natasha could make out, even in the dark, that they were glistening with wetness. As if to underline her observation, Steve snivelled once, twice, before eventually standing up, leaving Nat alone on the suddenly way too big couch.

“I’m sorry for waking you up.”, he said as he turned around one last time, and didn’t wait for her response before he was already heading towards his bedroom again.

When he laid down in his bed, Steve turned his face towards the window. Bucky must’ve forgotten to let down the shutters last night, so now Steve could see the stars shining against the dark blue sky, at least in the small space of sky that was visible over the neighbour’s house’s roof.

Behind him, Bucky was shuffling around, and a second later, he could feel his right arm curling around his waist, pulling him close to Bucky’s chest as the other man leaned his forehead against Steve’s neck. He could tell that Bucky was sweating.

“Stevie.”, Bucky breathed against his skin, his fingers curling into the fabric of Steve’s shirt.

It hurt. It hurt like crazy to do this, and despite never before wanting not to get touched by Bucky, and knowing that something was up, his partner’s touch made Steve’s skin prickle with shame and unease. Gently, he took hold of the back of Bucky’s hand and guided it down onto the mattress between their bodies.

As if not realizing what Steve had been doing, and really, Steve couldn’t blame him, a second later Bucky placed his hand on his hipbone. With a heavy sigh and tears shooting into his eyes, Steve took hold of his hand anew, again bringing it down on the mattress while he could feel his heart breaking at the same time.

“Sorry, Buck. Not right now.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

_Suddenly, he was falling. Where there was a cat on his lap just a second before, and he was feeling warm and comfortable, now was cold, snow and icy wind. He wasn’t sitting on a couch anymore, he was falling down, down, down._

_Everything was dark, blue and black, although the snow made some white dots appear in his vision here and there. He could hear himself scream, feel his throat getting sore from it as he desperately tried to hold onto the cliffs, the clouds, a hand,_ something, _but there was nothing. All he could grasp for was cold air as the fell like a stone, for what felt like forever, until-_

_Pain. So much pain. He felt like he was being ripped apart in the middle, his body not whole anymore. When he opened his eyes, he could see red water washing over his side, his arm, his stomach. The water was warm, and almost comforting, and he wanted to let it run over his fingers. But, when he tried to move them, they weren’t there. His fingers were gone. He tried moving the fingers on his other arm. Gone, too. His vision turned red as he moved his head from left to right, from right to left. His fingers were gone. His hands were gone. Where were his forearms? He couldn’t see them._

_The pain came back, and suddenly people were shouting. He couldn’t make out their faces, hidden behind caps and scarfs. What little he could make out of their skin as the leaned over him, was red. He wanted to scream but soon found that he couldn’t. His tongue was gone, too. One figure leaned over his face, staring at him like he wanted to burn holes into his head. The figures eyes were yellow, almost like cat eyes. A cat, a cat, hasn’t there been a cat?_

_The figure reached up with one hand, unwrapping its face from the scarf. He could see that its whole face was red, and he was smiling, no, grinning, enjoying something he saw. He had too many teeth in his mouth, and they all looked tiny, and sharp. Ready to bite through skin and rip a body apart. His body._

_“Sergeant Barnes.”, the figure said, its voice sounding like a hiss. Something warm was running down his legs. He didn’t care. The figure opened his mouth, his tiny, sharp teeth coming closer with every second, ready to rip the skin off his face, ready to-_ Bucky opened his eyes. He was sweating. His breathing was irregular, and his chest hurt with how his heart was racing. He wanted to move, and couldn’t. Between his legs, he felt the diaper he was wearing getting hot and wet, and couldn’t stop it. His stomach churned, and he was feeling sick. He didn’t have to turn his head to know that next to him, the bed was empty.

Despite wanting to shout for Steve, he couldn’t find the voice to do so. At least he could feel that his tongue was still where it belonged. He wanted to be in his partner’s arms, needed to feel him close to make sure that they were both okay, but he didn’t know where Steve had gone, and he still couldn’t move. He felt like he was paralyzed.

It had been some time since he had a nightmare that bad. He knew that he was foolish for thinking like that, but he had almost been hoping that maybe, just maybe, the nightmares would stop coming. He was wrong.

Bucky didn’t know that had triggered it, but suddenly his soft, happy dream about him watching Tv with a cat sleeping on his legs, has turned into this nightmare that felt more like a memory than a dream. He was thankful that he had put on the protection, even though he was so sure that he wouldn’t need it anymore.

He felt like crying, so he did. Sometimes it helped, he had figured, to just let the tears stream down his face for a few minutes, sometimes hours, even when he couldn’t even move enough to let his body sob.

God, he wished Steve was here. Where did he go? To the bathroom, maybe. He would be back soon, Bucky told himself.

He didn’t know for how long he was lying like that until Steve came through the door, the _wrong_ door, but he was able to move and breath almost normally again, although he could still feel his skin burn with horror and heat.

When Steve laid down next to him, Bucky couldn’t wait to pull him close, desperate to feel his warm, solid, _real_ skin on his own.

Eagerly, he wrapped his arm around his lover’s middle, relief washing over him as he let his forehead lean against Steve’s neck.

“Stevie.”, he said, voice breathily and scratchy.

For a second, he felt safe again, knowing that he was safe with Steve, safe in their bed, safe away from the monster in his dream.

Then, Steve took his hand, and Bucky was sure that he would intertwine their fingers, as he always did, making sure that Bucky wouldn’t let go of him, but, no.

Before he could realize what had happened, his palm was resting on the cool fabric of the bedsheet, instead of Steve’s warm chest.

Confused and unable to grasp what was going on, Bucky tried again, this time laying his hand down on Steve’s hipbone.

When Steve took his hand again, set it down again, Bucky’s stomach twisted.

“Sorry Buck. Not right now.”, Steve said, and Bucky could hear that he was hurting, too.

Too overwhelmed and too exhausted, Bucky didn’t argue, didn’t speak up, didn’t even have it in him to let another wave of tears stream down even as he was feeling something break inside of him. All he could do was to stare at the back of Steve’s head while his chest clenched with fear, not knowing how in such a short time, everything could have gone from fine to… _this_. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn’t know how he had been able to fall asleep again, but he must’ve. Again, Bucky awoke to an empty bed, only that this time, the sky wasn’t dark blue anymore, and the alarm on Steve’s side table told him that it was just short after 7 a.m.

Slowly, he got out of bed, got rid of his shamefully wet diaper, and dressed in sweatpants and a shirt.

When he went into the living room, he found Steve sitting on the couch.

The fort they had built the other day was gone, and so was Natasha and her stuff. Bucky looked around for a second, just to be sure, but it seemed like they were indeed alone again.

Steve’s eyes were glued to the screen, and he didn’t look up when Bucky came closer, although he could tell that Steve wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening in the TV.

“Natasha?”, Bucky asked, voice sounding as quivery as he felt.

Wordlessly, Steve reached out for a piece of paper that was laying on the table in front of him and handed it to Bucky. Unsure what was going on, Bucky took it hesitantly, the hurt from last night pounding in his chest again as he waited for Steve to look at him, smile his lovely smile at him again, but it never came.

Swallowing down the need to run to the bathroom and throw up from the fear that was spreading in his bones and muscles, Bucky read what was written on the paper.

_“Thank you for taking me in and making me feel better._

_I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused._

_You’ll find a way to find me.”_

Bucky gulped and looked up at Steve, who was now looking at him, too.

The expression on his face was unreadable, but if Bucky had to guess, there was sadness. And shame. And… regret? He didn’t know what had happened last night, he only knew that it scared him, and that they needed to talk about it.

“Steve, I-“

“I think I’m gonna take a shower.”, Steve interrupted him, walked past him without looking at him, and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took quite a different direction from how my stories usually go, huh?  
> I got an interesting comment that said that it was not realistic for Steve to simply accept Natasha knowing about them etc., and even though i tend to keep my fics as harmonic and peaceful as possible, i found that i had to agree.  
> There will be one more chapter to this story, and then we're going to leave the topic 'Natasha' be for a bit :) 
> 
> Let me know what you think about this! Also, any ideas what could/should come after this story?


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter, we finally made it through:)
> 
> I know, things have been rough for these two the last time, and there is still a bit of angst/hurt in this chapter, but don't you worry, they'll be fine again :)

“Steve.”

Bucky knew that despite the radio he had turned on to full blast and the noise of the water hitting the tub, Steve heard him. He didn’t answer, stayed silent even when Bucky stepped into the room a few minutes after he did, and closed the door behind himself.

Looking to the ground, Bucky noticed that Steve had left his clothes bundled up in a messy pile on the floor, something he usually never did. Steve was the kind of person to fold the clothes up even if he planned to wear them again after stepping out of the shower. He hated it when Bucky let his lay on the floor.

The air in the bathroom was starting to get humid and it was warm, almost uncomfortably so, because the heat and the dampness combined made it even harder for Bucky to breathe normally, and he felt like he was suffocating.

“Steve.”, he tried again, and, as expected, didn’t get a response. As if Steve wanted to underline that he wasn’t paying him any attention, he heard the cap of the shampoo bottle open and close again, a few seconds later.

“Why are you giving me the silent treatment, huh? And what did Natalya mean with her note, what damage was she talking about? Stevie, please, talk to me. We can sort this out.”

When Steve stayed silent, Bucky sighed to himself and sat down on the closed toilet lid. He wasn’t going to give up that easily. He knew that Steve was stubborn to a fault, but he also knew that if he found the right words, pushed the right buttons, he would give it. He had to aim for that, even as the smell of the shampoo that he usually loved smelling on his lover’s skin now made him feel almost sick to his stomach.

“I had a nightmare tonight. I dreamed about falling, again… and Schmidt. I was so scared when you weren’t there, I needed to make sure that we were both okay. Did it upset you that I was touching you? Is that something you don’t want anymore, from me?”, Bucky asked, voice shaking as he felt himself hurting from the thought of it. He was honestly clueless, he didn’t know what the problem was, but he had to start somewhere, even if the idea of it terrified him. If that was what Steve needed, he would give it to him.

Yet again, he didn’t get a response.

“Was… Did you talk to Natasha about the time we knew each other? Is it because of something she told you, something I-, I did back then?”, he continued, ignoring the angry churning in his insides at the blurry memory of the time, of what he did. What they both did.

“Steve, please, talk to me, I-“

“You told her.”

“What?”, Bucky gasped, aghast, even though he heard Steve just fine, even despite him barely murmuring. His mind went into overdrive, he wanted to make sense of it but he didn’t know what exactly this was about, he needed to find out, but how, how without asking again and upsetting Steve even more, he-

“You fucking told her about it! About what we’re doing, you told her _everything_."

Startled by Steve’s sudden outburst, Bucky jumped a bit in his seat. He had expected Steve to eventually give in but… he couldn’t remember the last time he outright yelled at him. This was bad, this was so much worse than Bucky had thought it was. 

Unsure what do to, unwilling to make the wrong step and make everything even worse, Bucky was stunned into silence. He wanted to get up, wanted to get to Steve and hold him, make everything okay, but just like after he woke up from his nightmare, he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. He knew that he was starting to panic, in his usual, quiet way, and couldn’t stop it. 

“Tell me, come on.”, Steve then said, and his voice sounded bitter and broken at the same time. “Tell me about what you told her, and please, by all means, don’t leave out the details of my humiliation.” 

Bucky couldn’t answer. He opened his mouth, closed it again, opened it anew. No words were coming out. Despite the heat in the room he felt his blood running cold. God, he had messed up so bad, and he hasn’t even been aware of it. 

Then, a loud thud sounded as a heavy body hit the wall of the shower, and Steve broke down into deep, shaking sobs that were halfway muffled in the crook of his arm. 

That was enough to finally snap Bucky out of his stupor. "Oh, no, no, _no_ ," he muttered, already stripping his shirt off. "No, no, no, no, no, shit, no." Sweatpants, shirt and socks all came off in almost one motion, and he pulled the curtain aside and got in the shower as quick as he could. 

Steve recoiled, from where he was leaning against the wall, eyes and cheeks equally red, like Bucky's presence burned. "Don't touch me!" 

"I won't.", Bucky promised, even as his arms physically ached to hold Steve. After a moment, he sat down cross-legged on the floor, trying to be as nonthreatening as possible, wanting to wait this out. Everything in his chest felt crushed. How had things gotten this bad? He should never have told Natasha without asking a real, adult Steve first. 

Steve sunk to the floor at the other end of the shower and curled up in a ball, hand clasped over his mouth and still crying hard, almost hysterically. 

“Stevie, please, you need to listen to me. I… I never thought it would upset you so much, and I thought we both knew that Natasha is trustworthy. I’m sorry, I really, really am. But please… tell me why this is making you feel so bad? Please, darling, I-“ 

“How am I supposed to ever look at her again? How is she supposed to ever take me serious again?”, Steve asked, voice thick with tears. “She’ll never see me as anything else but a pathetic _baby_ again.” 

“Honestly, I-, I don’t think so! When I talked to her, I made it very clear why we are doing this, and what it means, and Nat is more than smart enough to actually understand. I promise, no, I swear to you that she doesn’t judge, or laugh, or tell anyone else. Also, she doesn’t think any badly about you. And you know what? If she does, screw her. This is your life, our life, and we can do with it whatever the hell we want.” 

At that, Steve smiled, yet it was a bitter, little thing, completely without joy. “Yeah, right. Honestly, I can’t even be mad at you, can I? After all, I agreed to let her stay here. It’s just… I feel so goddamn stupid for agreeing to that. We can never take it back, the things she saw and heard… I feel so embarrassed.”, he said, and then, for the first time that day, really _looked_ at Bucky. “I know you meant well, both with taking her in and with letting her know about me instead of having me hide. Maybe I’m just mad at myself for not being able to control myself, and I let it out on you. I’m sorry for that.” 

Bucky wanted nothing more than to lean forward and close the space between them, wrapping Steve in his arms. He looked so sad, so disappointed in himself, that it hurt Bucky, too. But Steve had asked him not to touch him, and he wasn’t sure enough yet that this has changed, so he decided against it. 

“It’s just…”, Steve continued before Bucky could answer, “I feel like I’m so little in control lately. The periods I’m spending in headspace are getting more frequent and longer and I thought I was okay with letting myself go, and I still think that I am, mostly, but sometimes… what if that’s all people will see me as once they find out? And, worse… what I can’t get back from it one day?” 

At the last word, Steve’s voice broke again, yet this time he wasn’t crying violently as he did before. Now, the tears were rolling down his face in silence, clearly visible to Bucky even through the mist and the spray of the water separating them, and this was so much worse. Ignoring what he had just told himself a minute ago, Bucky crawled forwards until he was close enough to reach out and put one hand on Steve’s shin, while the other gently took hold of his neck, massaging him lightly. 

At first, Steve jerked at the touch, but within a second, his wall seemed to collapse and he eagerly leaned into it as a strained sob escaped his throat. 

“Baby boy.”, Bucky murmured and kissed his temple. With his forehead leaned against the side of Steve’s damp head, he continued. “I didn’t know that you were so scared of any of that, you should’ve talked to me about it. I’m so, so sorry that you’re feeling that way. Now I know we both know that we can’t make the last days unhappen, right? But I swear to you, with all that I have, that this will not have any repercussions for you, or me, or anyone. Nat won’t tell anyone. And if she does, friends or no, she’ll regret it. But she won’t, I know that she would never. Now what’s that about you not coming back from headspace, huh?” 

Steve shuddered. “It happened so often in the last few weeks… and when Nat came along, I couldn’t even control myself enough to snap out it. What if one day, it just… stays?”, he asked, his obvious fear of it causing his voice to shake a bit. 

Bucky leaned back a bit so he could really look at Steve, with his red rimmed eyes and his quivering bottom lip, cheeks red with shame over himself. 

“Sweetheart, I admit I haven’t really gotten into that subject yet, but I honestly doubt that that’s even possible, you know? After all, you’re an adult, with an adult brain, and… maybe you just went into headspace so often lately because we made it possible all the time, and because your mind noticed how good it is for you. Let’s do some research later on, when we’re all dry and comfy again, but I can guarantee you that there will always be a way back. And even if not… you can be sure that I’ll be there to take care of you.” 

At that, Steve blinked, once, twice, and stared at Bucky blankly for a second, but despite him trying to hide it, Bucky could see how he was trying to stay in control of himself desperately. 

“I love you, baby boy, I always will, no matter what happens or what anyone else does or says. They’ll regret the day they dare to make you feel bad about yourself.” 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, followed by him squeezing his eyes shut. Bucky watched as his bottom lip started to tremble heavily, and then- 

“Daddy.”, Stevie sobbed, and threw himself forward so he could bury his face into Bucky’s chest, who nearly fell backwards with the force of it while he hurried to get both arms around his boy’s middle. “I’m so sorry for being so mean to you, you didn’t deserve it, I’m sorry for being a bad boy, Daddy, _I’m sorry_ ”, Steve wailed and if Bucky’s heart hadn’t been broken that day already, it was breaking right then and there. 

“Shh, honey, it’s okay. You weren’t a bad boy, I understand it, you were scared, and I’m sure that if I had tried, I would have found a better way to deal with everything. Daddy’s not mad at you, I promise. You’ll always be my good boy.”, Bucky said, and even though he knew that he hadn’t made it worse, Steve was only crying harder, as if suddenly all the pressure and sorrow found a way off his soul through his tears. “I know, I know. It’s okay, everything is okay. Daddy’s here, I got you, I got you.”, Bucky cooed into Stevie’s damp hair, and held him, for minutes or hours he didn’t know, until Stevie’s breathing eventually evened out again, and he collapsed against Bucky’s front completely, his whole upper body leaned onto his Daddy while he seemed to have done his best imitation of ‘cat curling into a ball’ with the rest of his body. 

“So Tasha won’t say anything?”, Stevie asked in a tiny voice. 

“No, sweetheart, she won’t.” 

“Okay… I love you, Daddy.” 

“I love you, too, baby boy.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------- 

When Stevie awoke on the couch, after his much needed nap, he was greeted by a tiny golden rabbit sitting on the living room table, its chocolate-hiding foil blinking at him curiously whenever he moved his head around to inspect it. 

Cautiously, and with eyes as big as plates, Stevie reached out with one hand and carefully picked the bunny up. It had a red cord around its neck, on which a tiny, golden bell hung. It made a funny, jingling noise when Stevie gently poked it with the tip of one finger, which caused him to giggle silently. 

“Did you think the Easter Bunny forgot about the bestest little boy there is?”, Daddy’s voice suddenly came from behind him, and when Stevie turned around in his seat, he was met by Bucky’s warm smile, from where he was leaning on the sofa rest with both hands. 

“Go on”, Bucky said before leaning downwards enough to kiss the top of Stevie’s head. “Let’s see if we can find all the other things the Bunny has hidden.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so originally I wanted to keep the angst going for a bit longer, but I haven't really expected y'all to hate it so much, so I decided to end it as quickly as possible. If it seems a bit rushed now, i am sorry for that, I tried to keep it as realistic as possible and I really hope that all of you who were less than happy with the last chapter can forgive me for it, I really haven't expected it to be so bad... but i hope they're making up is making things up between us, too!
> 
> As always, i'm thanking you all for reading and I'm happy to hear your opinion, as long as we still stick to a respectful, friendly tone, please :D
> 
> Also, special thanks to the dear anon+kinky+ace for sharing their idea with a part of the shower scene with me, I appreciate it a lot and it was a great help!
> 
> THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE SERIES. I'm not done with these two yet!
> 
> (and if you happen to want to support me a tiny bit, [here's a way to do that!](http://www.buymeacoffee.com/catchfeels))
> 
> I hope you all had a happy Easter/Passover (to those of you who were celebrating) and that I didn't upset you too much :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading so far!
> 
> As always, I am more than happy to hear your thoughts, your opinions, your wishes... whatever it is, please feel free to tell me!  
> I hope to be able to update rather quickly, but I can't promise anything because January is filled to the brink with exams and other stuff I need to do for school, but I'll be giving my best!
> 
> (also, in case you want to help your kinky, tired friend out with a [coffee](http://www.buymeacoffee.com/catchfeels)... :D)


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